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Wikipedia:Peer review/Dead Head Fred/archive1

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
The entire article has been rebuilt from the ground up. I'd appreciate any comments on it. Thanks! — Levi van Tine (tc) 13:48, 3 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Casliber

[edit]

Looking pretty good so far actually. I will post queries below. Casliber (talk · contribs) 18:48, 7 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • Fred learns that Mr. Rossini had been reported missing by Jeanne, who hired Fred to find him. - this reads a little confusing as it isn't clear who hired Fred from the way the sentence is structured.
Reworded.
  • Making an article for Massive Black Studios would be a good idea. Turning redlinks blue if you can is aesthetically prudent.
I'm not opposed to it, and I feel that the company is notable enough to warrant its own article. I may get around to it eventually, but hopefully some ambitious good Samaritan stumbles across it.
  • was set in stone.. --> maybe just "non-negotiable" maybe the first is a bit casual, but if you feel strongly about it then keep it. Not a big deal really.
Reworded, hopefully less casual now.
  • The development team didn't have any tangible ideas.. - not sure I like tangible here as the adjective doesn't add anything. Maybe a better word is "preconceptions" or something similar (?)
Reworded.
  • The original script had only one instance of the "f-word," but after several sessions with McGinley resulted in a great deal of more colorful ad-libs that the design team liked, the script was tweaked to allow McGinley and other actors to curse more. - this sentence was a little hard to follow, you may want to break it up a bit.
I broke it up into two sentences and reworded it; hopefully it's clearer now.
  • At E3 2007, D3Publisher was able to again show Dead Head Fred because of its delay - unable?
Games at E3 are generally only shown before release, therefore a delayed game can potentially be shown more than once.

Overall looks good, if I were you I would run it through WP:GAN which it should pass fairly readily and isn't too far off FAC really. Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:08, 7 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the comments! I'll nominate it for GA today. — Levi van Tine (tc) 14:57, 10 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Good luck :) Casliber (talk · contribs) 04:53, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]