Wikipedia:Peer review/Days Gone Bye/archive3

Days Gone Bye

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to see it reach FA status. I have recently given the article a massive expansion, and a moderate copyedit. I would like to know some improvement I can make because setting it up for nomination.

Thanks, —DAP388 (talk) 00:59, 20 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Lead image caption does not need a full stop.
Is it the first episode or is it the pilot episode?
"wakes up in an abandoned hospital from a coma" consider making it "wakes up from a coma in an abandoned hospital"
"been riddled with" overtaken by?
"where his wife and son are. After finding out that both Lori and his son" -> "to find his wife, Lori, and their son. After discovering that they are both missing..."
"in a neighbors house" in a "neighbor's" house.
We don't tend to wikilink common locations like London...
However, I would link Nielsen rating appropriately in the lead, this is very US-centric.
"The two men are shot, " -> "They shoot the two men"?
" for an undisclosed amount of time" -> "undisclosed period".
No need to link hospital.
"more walkers" - make it clear that these are the zombies you've previously referred to.
"breaks down into tears" maybe USENg, but I'd say "breaks down in tears"
"he encounters (and shoots) a " don't think you need the parentheses here.
"find any gas" replace gas with fuel so it's internationally understandable!
" tank crewman; therefore deafening" no need for the semi-colon, just a comma, and no need for "therefore" either.
Link M1 tank.
"The Walking Dead setups at the 2010 San Diego Comic Con International." no need for the full stop.
"Robert Kirkman[2]" no need for his name to be bold. Same for other quotes.
Instead of linking Willy Loman, why not just link Death of a Salesman?
"scriptment" I've never heard of this before. Do you just mean script?
"was split half and embellished, subsequently making it into an arc between two episodes" split in half? And what two episodes?
"revelation. t’s extremely faithful." missing letter?
"The Mist (2007)," I think, the second time, you don't really need to repeat the year.
" premiered in Hong Kong" any reason why Hong Kong is selected out of the 119 countries other than the US where it premiered?
" (2002).[36][26]" I tend to expect footnotes to be in numerical order.
"It debuted in 120 countries in 33 languages.[38]" you've already mentioned that it debuted in 120 countries...
Link FX.
Don't mix date formats in the references.
Ensure reference titles comply with MOS, e.g. avoid CAPITALS, en-dashes (see ref 41).

The Rambling Man (talk) 14:34, 25 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: I have seen this episode, thanks for your work on the article. I agree with TRM's comments above - here are some more suggestions for improvement.

I would include a hat note for the album Days Gone By here, and put one for this article there
It seems odd to list the guest stars in the infobox, but not list Andrew Lincoln or the guy who plays Shane there, or mention Lincoln at all in the lead.
I am not sure the images from Comic Con are truly free - it seems to me as if they are of a tableaux in one case and in the other contain promotional art that would be copyrighted by AMC or the show - images will be reviewed at FAC, so they might be seen as WP:FAIR USE there.
The Accolades section is one sentence - seems as if it might be better if it were combined with the Critical reception section
There are free images of Kirkman and Darabont and of Andrew Lincoln and Jon Bernthal which might be used here - when this becomes an FA and appears on the Main Page, it helps to have a free image that can be shown on the Main Page
The most difficult criteria for most articles to meet at FAC is 1a, a professional level of English - see. This seems to me like it would have some difficulties at FAC with its prose. I will try to point out some examples, though this is not a complete list. This needs a serious copyedit.
Just in the lead "riddled with zombies" is awkward and he already knows where his home is, so he doesn't really have to locate it (he does need to locate his family) Realizing that the world has been riddled with zombies, Grimes ventures out to locate his home where his wife and son are.
Avoid passive voice where possible and tighten where possible Robert Kirkman, the creator of the series of comic books of the same name, initially considered the idea of creating a television show based on the comic series. However, such ideas were never pursued by Kirkman. could be something like Robert Kirkman, creator of the comic book series of the same name, considered creating a television show based on the comic, but never pursued it.
It is usually "expressed interest in" Frank Darabont later expressed interest of developing the series for television
This is unclear - was Hurd writer, director and exective producer too? This couls also be tightened In the announcement, the executives of the network stated that Darabont would serve as a writer, director, and an executive producer for the show alongside with Gale Anne Hurd. to something like The network executives announced that Darabont would serve as a writer and directorfor the show; Darabont and Gale Anne Hurd served as executive producers.
Having said it is is Atlanta, Georgia, I think the article can just use Atlanta thereafter
Is Hurd a man or a woman? He and she are used here Hurd recalled that he had heard of the comics before, and upon reading it, felt that it would be great for film.[3] She stated: "When I first read the book, I thought
Things are shot "on film" and CGI is used for effects, not really for editing It was wholly shot in 16 mm film, and was edited using computer-generated imagery.
This makes no sense - "following the months proceeding its release" - do you mean "in the months preceding its release" - "Day Gone Bye" was heavily promoted following the months proceeding its release;...
Again this does not make sense Several critics noted comparisons to the episode with those of Lost. perhaps "Several critics compared the show with the pilot for Lost."?
These are just examples from the lead - please get a copy edit before taking this to FAC
Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:31, 26 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]