Wikipedia:Peer review/Dangerously in Love/archive1
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am planning to pass it to FAC probably before the year ends. The article has been peer reviewed once, but generated only a little feedback, though it had helped a lot. More comments are appreciated.
Thanks, Efe (talk) 09:19, 21 December 2008 (UTC)
- Seems pretty good to me. I havn't done much FA stuff, but I think it should pass. ErikTheBikeMan (talk) 21:51, 21 December 2008 (UTC)
- Comments on the lead
- "Other than Knowles' musical roots, the album explores hip hop and Arabic influences, courtesy of her record producers and featured guests." This is oddly worded. At this point, those unfamiliar with Knowles will not be helped by the phrase "Knowles' musical roots". Roots in what? "Courtesy of" is vague and not the best word choice here. Having an album "explore" is a bit odd too. Perhaps a better wording might be "The album blends Knowles' musical roots in ____ with hip hop and Arabic influences."
- Tried to revise. --Efe (talk) 09:07, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
- "the album polarized the reaction of critics" "polarized critics" reads more natural to me than "polarized the reaction of critics"
- "Its lyrical contents dominantly portray love" What does "dominantly portray" mean?
- "then-former group" Not sure what this means.
- "the album
hasfacilitated Knowles in becoming a viable solo star, as well as one of the most marketable singers, signing to" The scope of "the most" is unclear here. If of the band, then "its most" is clearer. Otherwise, "a viable and marketable solo star" is fine. "Signing to" is a misplaced modifier. - "accolades, as well as favorable criticism" Accolades == favorable criticism, no?
- "worldwide, to date" No comma needed. "to date" will become dated. State a specific date (e.g. "As of December 2008, Dangerously in Love..."). BuddingJournalist 16:26, 26 December 2008 (UTC)
- "Other than Knowles' musical roots, the album explores hip hop and Arabic influences, courtesy of her record producers and featured guests." This is oddly worded. At this point, those unfamiliar with Knowles will not be helped by the phrase "Knowles' musical roots". Roots in what? "Courtesy of" is vague and not the best word choice here. Having an album "explore" is a bit odd too. Perhaps a better wording might be "The album blends Knowles' musical roots in ____ with hip hop and Arabic influences."
- All have been addressed. Thank you. --Efe (talk) 09:13, 10 January 2009 (UTC)