Wikipedia:Peer review/Costa Concordia disaster/archive1
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I've listed this article for peer review because... I want to get it to FA status but I would like some other editors to look over it beforehand. There have been complains of bias in the past, and I want to know how to fix that in order to promote this article. This is the first time I've tried to do this, so any help would be appreciated.
Thanks! Cessaune (talk) 12:55, 11 November 2022 (UTC)
Comments from Adog
[edit]I do not know a lot about cruising or wrecks, but I will offer some pointers for general improvements:
Lead
- 2 members of the salvage team to
2 salvage team members
- ... three times the $612 million construction cost of the ship. to
... three times the ship's $612 million construction.
- 'Costa Concordia was declared a "constructive total loss" by the cruise line's insurer, and her salvage was "one of the biggest maritime salvage operations."' Was it one of the biggest maritime salvage operations ever, contemporary, in the 21st century?
Evacuation
- and therefore to
and, therefore,
Search for missing people
- afterwards to
afterward
- in order to to
to
Securing wreck site and protecting environment
- As part of the recovery effort needs comma at the end
- ...and by extension... to
and, by extension,
Refloating and removal
- a short distance away from the coast omit "away"
Scrapping
- ... Superbacino dock in Genoa for removal of the upper decks ... to
Superbacino dock in Genoa to remove the upper decks
- in to to
into
Ship remnants and artifacts
- Some of the passengers' belongings like cash or jewelry, like... to
Some of the passengers' belongings like cash or jewelry, such as...
- ... own jewelry, was believed ... to
own jewelry, were believed
Passengers and personnel
- On 27 January 2012, Costa posted on its website the compensation package offered to uninjured passengers. to
On 27 January 2012, Costa posted the compensation package offered to uninjured passengers on its website
- ... psychological distress and ... to
psychological distress, and
- Costa also promised return of all property... to
Costa also promised the return of all property
Investigations
- The board said that the investigation ... omit "that"
Criminal proceedings against officers
- ... "Passengers are getting into the life boats", Schettino responded ... to
"Passengers are getting into the lifeboats", Schettino responded,
Costa Cruises and its parent companies
- Costa Cruises at first offered to pay Schettino's legal costs, ... to
Costa Cruises initially offered to pay Schettino's legal costs
Regulatory and industry response
- On 8 July 2012, CNN reported that the disaster brought changes to safety and evacuation procedures in the cruise industry... possible to
On 8 July 2012, CNN reported that the disaster changed the cruise industry's safety and evacuation procedures
Honours and memorial
- ... agreed that a large boulder which was ... to
agreed that a large boulder that was
General
- A lot of sentences start off with "On so-and-so [comma], dot dot dot". I would find a way to better formulate these sentences into paragraphs with each other, and structure the sentence so that the date appears in the middle or later half of the statement. A date beginning a sentence is not necessarily wrong but becomes redundant after the first two or three times consecutively used.
- Ensure images are related to their sections, as I saw some strewn about in a random part of the article.
I hope this helps out a bit! :) Adog (Talk・Cont) 17:25, 29 November 2022 (UTC)
Maybe I’m dumb but at the top it says that two people were killed in salvage operations but then in the body it says "On 1 February 2014 a Spanish diver working on the Costa Concordia wreck died after cutting his leg on a sheet of metal. He was brought to the surface alive by a fellow diver, but later died. This was the only death to occur during the Costa Concordia salvage operation.[184]" — where is the second salvage death? jengod (talk) 04:32, 8 December 2022 (UTC)
- Thank you. I'll do some research. Cessaune (talk) 16:08, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
- Yeah, I couldn't find any data that backed that up, so I changed it. Thanks! Cessaune (talk) 22:28, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
Comments by Z1720
[edit]I took a look at Wikipedia:List of Wikipedians by good article nominations, and did not find your name listed there. I would recommend taking this article to GAN first, as this is a step towards FAC and an editor will give more in-depth comments about your article there.
Here's some comments after a quick skim:
- Ensure that there is a citation at the end of every paragraph, minimum.
- "Search for missing people" has a lot of short paragraphs, which can probably be merged.
- "Scrapping" also has short paragraphs, which can probably be merged.
- "In popular media" needs expansion, or perhaps merged with a "Legacy" section.
- Per WP:IBTIMES, International Business Times is not considered a reliable source on Wikipedia.
- Per WP:METRO, Metro (UK) is not considered a reliable source on Wikipedia.
- "Raising the Costa Concordia (TV Movie 2014) - IMDB"" Is not the correct title for this link, and needs an access date.
I hope this helps, Z1720 (talk) 14:56, 15 January 2023 (UTC)
- Thanks for the feedback! Cessaune [talk] 17:00, 25 January 2023 (UTC)
- @Cessaune: It has been over a month since the last comment. Can we close this? Z1720 (talk) 18:04, 31 March 2023 (UTC)