Wikipedia:Peer review/Cool World/archive1
Cleaned this article up a bit from its original state. How'd I do? (Ibaranoff24 19:27, 31 August 2006 (UTC))
- My $.02 worth:
- Is it "Holli Wood" or "Holli Would"? The spelling is inconsistent.
- (It's "Holli Would." I corrected this. - Ibaranoff24 01:50, 8 September 2006 (UTC))
- Suggest changing "Brad Pitt plays Detective Frank Harris, the Cool World cop (who has chosen to stay in Cool World) out to make sure humans..." to something like "Brad Pitt plays Detective Frank Harris, a human who has chosen to stay in Cool World and serve as a cop. His job is to make sure that humans..."
- Shouldn't "Noids" be lower-case?
- "Deebs and Holli heads..." => "Deebs and Holli head..."
- I question whether the "Real World" needs to be capitalized. The Cool World is a place, whereas the real world is a state. (I.e. real versus fantasy.)
- The entire "Conception and production" section consists of a commentary from the perspective of Ralph Bakshi. How about some other viewpoints? There's almost nothing about the animation process, for example.
- Did Frank Mancuso Jr. ever state why he rewrote the script?
- (No. He didn't. In interviews, he claimed that he was "behind Bakshi's concept from the beginning," when, in fact, this was completely untrue. - Ibaranoff24 01:50, 8 September 2006 (UTC))
- Thanks. — RJH (talk) 15:39, 5 September 2006 (UTC)
- I suggest avoiding slang, such as cop. Better to call them police officers, or find a more appropriate term. TheMadBaron 17:16, 16 September 2006 (UTC)