Wikipedia:Peer review/Charter Oath/archive1

Charter Oath

Well, this article was just promoted to GA status, with the reviewer commenting that major aspects still perhaps need to be covered. I think that two weaknesses are the importance of the Oath as a symbol among the populace, and whatever if any subsequent effect it might have had on Japanese law and jurisprudence. Perhaps a historical context section, but I'd hate to duplicate Boshin War, Meiji Restoration and Bakumatsu more than necessary. I have my eye on one new source, but I think I've tapped out two major, generalist history texts. I'm perhaps too close to the article. Outside comment and help, obviously and sincerely, desired.--Monocrat 03:54, 16 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Outriggr's comments

I can't speak to comprehensiveness, but a couple of small points:

You have a number of in-sentence quotes, and a couple of them aren't referenced. I suggest adding the reference, or removing the quote and paraphrasing. ("less alarming", "language broad enough to embrace both readings")
Perhaps related to comprehensiveness: could you fill out some of the concepts? I know people might say "that's what wikilinks are for", but that position in the extreme is not helpful to the reader, and also forgets that there are a variety of ways in principle that this encyclopedia will be read. I am referring to
- "[Meiji] Restoration", which is mentioned in passing, but not linked (although it's in that category). I don't know what it is.
- Similarly, with "The purpose of the oath was both to issue a statement of policy to be followed by the post-Tokugawa bakufu government in the Meiji period, but also to offer hope to Tokugawa domains of inclusion in the next regime.", either the sentence structure could use improvement, or I simply don't know what is meant by "domains of inclusion".
- A third example is "and the last evoked the Taika Reforms"—I had no idea this meant "recalling a set of doctrines established in the year 646 [about?]". And if that part isn't understood by the reader, then the contrastive "although Japan would seek knowledge from the West rather than China" will not be understood as relating to the Taika Reforms.

–Outriggr § 04:26, 16 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Outriggr, thanks for spotting those! I think I've addressed them. The Taika comment was unsourced, and I haven't been able to find anything, so I've cut it for now.--Monocrat 04:47, 16 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

You're welcome! Also, may I suggest rearranging the sentence order in the lead to make the topic initially clearer:

The Charter Oath is considered by political historians to be the first constitution of modern Japan. The Oath outlined the main aims and the course of action to be followed during Emperor Meiji's reign, setting the legal stage for Japan's modernization. It was promulgated at the coronation of Emperor Meiji of Japan on April 7, 1868. It remained influential, if less for governing than inspiring, throughout the Meiji era and into the twentieth century.

–Outriggr § 05:17, 16 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

The lead generally needs expansion and reorganization, so I'll keep that in mind for now. If you spot anything else, let me know!--Monocrat 05:21, 16 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR _t 21:20, 17 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]