Wikipedia:Peer review/Candy (Foxy Brown song)/archive1

Candy (Foxy Brown song)

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Hello everyone! I've listed listed this article for peer review because I would like to nominate it for a FAC later in the year. The article received a very helpful GAN back in 2018, and I did a pretty large-scale rewrite earlier this year. I was advised to do a peer review for this article by @Moisejp:, and I have been trying to use the peer review process more in general. I would greatly appreciate any feedback on how to improve the article further. Thank you in advance! Aoba47 (talk) 20:27, 30 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ojorojo

A couple quick ones: I made some minor updates to the infobox (easier than listing here). MetroLyrics lists Kelis Rogers as a writer; it's not always accurate, but External links probably should be consistent with other sources. The sample caption says "its composition features a Spanish guitar": Spanish guitar usually refers to a nylon-stringed guitar, but the sample sounds more like a steel string (12-string?) guitar. Maybe leave out of the caption. —Ojorojo (talk) 18:05, 2 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your edits to the infobox. I have not found any sources that support Kelis as a co-writer on this song, but I will look into that further. I have removed the Spanish guitar part per your suggestion. To be completely honest, I am not that knowledgable in that area, and I was more so going with what the source said (which described the single as being "Spanish guitar-flavored"). Do you think I should remove the Spanish guitar part from the prose as well? If the source is wrong, I would not want to keep any incorrect information in the article. Thank you again for the help! Aoba47 (talk) 18:57, 2 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

ASCAP shows the three listed in the article plus Juan Manuel Cordova?!?[1] Rather than complicate matters, maybe just remove the MetroLyrics link and note somewhere the source for the songwriter info (album liner notes?). I think "Spanish guitar" refers to the so-called flamenco mode of following the tonic chord with a half-step above (first two notes of the Phrygian scale), rather than the type of guitar. So a better wording would be closer to what Reid wrote "Spanish guitar-flavored song" (stylistic element) and not give the impression that an actual Spanish (nylon string) guitar is being played. Hope this helps. —Ojorojo (talk) 22:52, 2 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the response. You have helped a lot! I have removed the MetroLyrics link per your suggestion. Thank for the ASCAP source. The link also shows that Cordova has co-writing credits on several other songs from the Broken Silence album, which can also be seen in the album credits on Tidal. I am very surprised by Cordova (who is noticeably absent in the Billboard listing and even in the Discogs listing, but I really should have double-checked the credits through other sources so apologies for my mistake. The comment section for this VladTV article speculates that Cordova may have been a ghost-writer for Brown, but that is all just speculation. I unfortunately could not find any concrete information about Cordova and Brown. Aoba47 (talk) 23:37, 2 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good. At one time, it was common practice for producers, managers, and others to add their names (often pseudonyms) to siphon off a cut of the songwriter royalties. Recently, songwriter discrepancies between the liner notes and ASCAP, etc. were brought up. Perhaps how much faith to put in liner notes needs to be re-evaluated. —Ojorojo (talk) 15:31, 3 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the response. That is an interesting point. I did not consider the financial aspect of this. It may be a good idea to include both the ASCAP and the liner notes in an article, and use one of them in a note to point out this discrepancy. Aoba47 (talk) 17:50, 3 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Moise

Hi Aoba. I'll try to get in a few initial comments this weekend. Talk to you soon. Moisejp (talk) 01:02, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you. I hope you are having a great week so far! Aoba47 (talk) 01:52, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Aoba, I'm afraid this week I won't be able to be at my computer very much at all, but I would like to quickly give you my first suggestion, which if you want you could leisurely think about and play around with until I'm back.

I'd like to suggest that the lead is quite choppy, and it'd be great to try to make it smoother and more flowing by (1) varying the sentence structure and (2) looking for opportunities to combine related ideas. As a quick example, please see these edits I made to the lead of "Drake Would Love Me": [[2]]. Notice how I moved around points to combine ideas that could be combined, and I varied sentence structure, for example by starting one sentence off by "Described by critics as...". Another example is if you compare the lead of the newest version of Watching the River Flow with this old version [[3]]. When I was preparing it for FAC I tried hard to make it smoother. Notice for instance "It reached the Top 40 in a number of countries and No. 41 in the United States. It was included on Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II, released on November 17, 1971, and has appeared on various other Dylan compilation albums" becomes the less choppy "A minor hit in some countries worldwide, the song was included on the 1971 Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II, and other Dylan compilation albums." Also I moved "Produced by Leon Russell" to the start of a sentence for variation of sentence structure.

Just now I only looked at your lead, and I'm not saying the rest of the article necessarily does or doesn't suffer from the same kind of choppiness. But if you wanted, you could also look ahead to the rest of the article to see whether there are any other bits where implementing the ideas above could be beneficial. Cheers, Moisejp (talk) 15:27, 8 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the comments and the links. That is a fair assessment, and I will look through the lead and the article as a whole sometime today to work on the prose. I see further choppiness in the first section so I will make a concentrated to closely read the lead and each section to smooth out the prose. I believe that I have found all of the information out there on this song (at least the information covered in reliable, third-party sources) so I can focus on how this information is presented. Thank you again for taking the time to do this, and apologies for the late response. I am trying to limit my Wiki time lately. Aoba47 (talk) 17:27, 9 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Moisejp: I have worked through the lead, but I will continue to smooth out the prose in the lead and the article as a whole throughout the week. Apologies for the ping, but I wanted to keep you informed about my progress. I do have a quick question. I originally had the song's chart performance in a separate section, but since it was such a short paragraph, I integrated the information into the "Production and release" section. I was wondering if you had any advice on how to best handle this? I hope you are doing well! Aoba47 (talk) 23:37, 16 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Apologies for closing this peer review early, but I will be taking time away from Wikipedia. Thank you for the help! Aoba47 (talk) 01:12, 24 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]