Wikipedia:Peer review/Brockway Mountain Drive/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because the article is headed to WP:FAC in the near future. I'm looking for a review to find any things that need updating or changing before I make the nomination. Thanks, Imzadi 1979 → 10:51, 1 April 2011 (UTC)
Brianboulton comments: Sounds like a place worth visiting. Here are some suggestions:-
- Lead
"Since it opened, Brockway Mountain Drive has been recognized in several publications and other venues for its scenic nature, dating back to the mid-20th century." To what does "dating back to the mid-20th century" refer? The phrase seems redundant. And I'd say scenic "qualities" rather than "nature"
- Map
Would it be possible to add a scale to the map?
- Route description
- I'm having some difficulty relating the first paragraph of this section to the map. For instance: "The western end starts at M-26 near Lake Bailey and Agate Harbor. Brockway Mountain Drive ascends along the ridgeline of the Keweenaw Fault. Immediately south of the road is Upson Creek running parallel to the cliff face, draining Lake Upson". I am unable to find Lake Bailey, Agate Harbor, Upson Creek or Lake Upson on the map.
- Sentence should not begin and end with "the roadway". Thus: "The roadway is lined with low stone walls, built as part of its original construction".
- Avoid touristy prose such as "gracing the top of the mountain". I imagine that the inn offers more than "books and collectibles"?
- I'm not sure that all of the information in the third paragraph is correctly positioned in a "Route description" section, e.g. the migrating hawks, the ownership of surrounding land, the species of flowers etc.
- Why capitalize "Hairpin"?
- "This road is the one of, if not the, highest scenic roadway above sea level..." I think you mean "one of" rather than "the one of", and "roadways" rather than "roadway". Also, the "if not the" insertion reads very awkwardly, and anyway is implied in "one of", so it is n ot really necessary. Suggest rephrase: "This road is one of the highest scenic roadways above sea level..."
- History
- There is some confusion of dates in this section. Work on the Driveway began in early 1933, but it is not clear when the work was completed. To what year does "the following year" refer?
- "All of the work to build the road was performed by hand with the assistance of a team of horses." Maybe more than one team of horses? "By manual labour" would be better than "by hand", and I think this kind of work is "carried out", rather than "performed". The words "All of" are redundant. Thus, I suggest: "The work required to build the road was carried out by manual labour, with the assistance of teams of horses".
- Awards and recognition
The first setence is unnecessary fluff.
- What is US 41? Don't make readers rely on the link.
- "were selected as one of..." doesn't really work (were plural, one of singular)
- Maybe the pic caption could be a bit more informative.
I hope that these suggestions are helpful. As I cannot watch individual peer reviews, please contact me via my talkpage if you wish to raise any issues with me, or if you'd like me to take another look. Brianboulton (talk) 16:18, 12 April 2011 (UTC)
- Suggestion copy edits done in some form. The landmarks mentioned are all visible on the Google Maps link, if zoomed in. As for the scale on the map, I pinged the editor that originally created the map and did the initial expansion of the article, but he's basically retired now. I'm hoping he can come back to help co-nominate the article at FAC and maybe update the map, but that's out of my control. Imzadi 1979 → 17:39, 12 April 2011 (UTC)