Wikipedia:Peer review/Bloody Thursday (2011)/archive1

Bloody Thursday (2011)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to nominate it to be a Good article (or even Featured). The article is a bit long, but interesting. It covers the events of the forth day of Bahrain Arab spring uprising. User:Malleus Fatuorum and few others helped me with copy-editing, which should make the review easier.

Thanks, Mohamed CJ ^(talk) 10:24, 29 March 2012 (UTC)

Comments (well, if Malleus has cast his eyes over this, there's unlikely to be much I can add, perhaps some of the technical things? Who knows. Here goes....)

• In the infobox, Tear Gas -> Tear gas.
• Infobox, "Non-specified number of plain-clothed officiers from the NSA, Criminal Investigations Department and BDF Intelligence." no need for the full stop.
• "other elements of the opposition have named it the Thursday Massacre. (Arabic: مجزرة الخميس‎)." could use a ref.
• I guess Arabic names have variations on the way they're transliterated into English but Mohammed Bouazizi seems to have an article here with just Mohamed...
• "pp68–9" normally expect "pp. 68–9" but that's just a style comment.
• "were said to have been" I think it's important to say by whom this was said. Seems to be something British press are nervous about, stating numbers etc...
• Is it just "Pearl Roundabout" or "the Pearl Roundabout"? I read it both ways here and wondered if you should be consistent.
• "(pp69,229)" at least add a space after the comma.
• "Ministry of interior" for accuracy, the "interior" should be "Interior".
• Picky one, but "Bahrain City Center" is usually BritEng, so Centre.
• " that one couldn't see surroundings," avoid contractions, and this sounds like it's a personal statement rather than an encyclopaedic article.
• "Nazeha Saeed, Radio Monte Carlo [20]" remove the space before the citation.
• Al-Wasat should be in italics.
• "Despite their showing identification cards," -> "Despite showing their identification cards,"
• "As a result, the latter told doctors he resigned before he left the hospital and denied his resignation." this sentence is a little odd for me...
• "Mohamed Ramadan, a paramedic [29]" same comment about the ref placement.
• "paramedics didn't find any casualties" avoid contractions.
• "Police attacked the first paramedics and doctors who reached Pearl Roundabout." I'm not sure that's a good caption for the image I'm looking at.
• Avoid squashing text between images.
• "injuries.[3](p173) Blood bank in " perhaps "The blood bank" or "Blood banks..."
• "hospital.[34]Protesters " space needed.
• "only shortly after he had" remove "only".
• "During the raid riot " comma after raid.
• "Despite telling them he is a physician[21] police handcuffed him" "he _was_"... and a comma after physician.
• "p14-5" vs "pp14–15" consistent formatting is essential.
• "2 weeks after his injury" -> two weeks.
• "3:00 a.m." vs "at 6 am" vs "8:30 am" consistency needed throughout.
• In the Deaths section, why the use of italics? No need.
• "He had 3 sons" three.
• "pp230-1" en-dash. Check all page ranges.
• "Abdul Jalil Khalil, Al Wefaq [54]" no space before ref. Check all others.
• "on the national T.V" -> "on national television".
• "U.S. Secretary of State [63][15]" order the refs (and remove the space).
• "And canceled later.[70]" is that a sentence?! Merge it with the previous.
• In the Media reports section, make sure that works like The New York Times are depicted correctly and in italics.

The Rambling Man (talk) 18:08, 14 April 2012 (UTC)