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Black Thunder (chocolate bar)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I feel that the page has reached FA standards. It was recently promoted to Good Article status and I think it's ready for Featured Article status. It would be great for any editors to make any comments/concerns.

Thanks, Doh5678 Talk 22:28, 8 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Niagara

  • A cookie bar? I have never heard of that term before. Both chocolate bar and candy bar are used far more often in the artichle than cookie bar. I'd try to be consistant with those terms.
    • Wording modified.
  • Move the photo showing the unwrapped bars up to the "Product" section (might as well show the actual product as you describe it).
    • Done.
  • As it has a tendacy to become out of date fast, including a currency conversion for the price usually isn't advisable.
    • Deleted.
    • Also, the retail price is not mentioned anywhere else in the article (anything in lead should be mentioned elsewhere in the article as well)
      • Fixed.
    • Per WP:LEAD, the lead should also be a summary of the article (mention things like when the bar was first created or became popular)
      • Lead expanded.
  • "...though some of these may be seen in the Gallery section." — This seems like an unnecessary self-reference
      • Is it self-reference if it refers the reader to the same article? Deleted Gallery reference.
    • Actually, I'd remove the gallery altogether and replace it with a {{Commons category}} (I note there is no relevant category on Commons yet, but I could set one up if you'd like)
  • The source you provide for the silver medalist does not mention any corresponding rise in sales of Black Thunder bars
    • Also, there is no source for the company sponsoring the gymnastics team.
      • Additonal references and/or in-line citations provided for following assertions: the athlete and team were sponsored by Yuraku, the athlete stated to the press that he liked the Black Thunder bar, and sales doubled from 2008 to 2009.
  • I'd replace the whole "Nutritional information" section with {{Nutritional value}}
    • Incompatible in this context. Template box states: "Nutritional value per 100 g (3.5 oz)". Although I have the information about kcal, fat, etc. per bar, I can't confirm that 1 bar = 100g.
      • Actually, it appears that that can be overridden with |serving_size= 1 bar, but using the template is not a big deal. Also, I note there is no source for the nutritional values, either. ​​​​​​​​Niagara ​​Don't give up the ship 01:28, 23 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
        • How does one cite candy bar wrapper? I'll look on the website, I'm pretty sure I saw the nutrition info on there somewhere. Do you think I should include the ingredients? Boneyard90 (talk) 02:50, 23 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
          • I am not sure; has that ever been done before? I believe this is website you are looking for [1]. I'd avoid listing the minor ingredients such as preservatives and the like, but I believe already mentioned the most obvious ones (chocolate and crisped rice). ​​​​​​​​Niagara ​​Don't give up the ship 05:12, 23 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • There is a photo of a "Tiny Thunder" bar, but no mention of it in the article.
  • "The Golden Chop appears to be an imitation product, though apparently legal." — This reads like original research
    • Deleted.
    • "Since that time, other imitation products have appeared on the market." — A citation for this would be helpful as well.
      • Deleted.
  • Is the second external link necessary?
    • Deleted
      • Reverted. Yes, I felt it necessary. The clothing line is mentioned in the text under Related Products. The images are of course copyrighted, so I can't download and add them to the article, so instead I linked to an image of an example product, one that examplifies the wording, "[sporting] black or gold lightning designs."
  • More citations are needed, in general with "every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph".

This needs a little work before going to FAC, citations, some copyediting as well. I confess, after reading this, I went out and got a candy bar, not a Black Thunder bar, but still... ​​​​​​​​Niagara ​​Don't give up the ship 01:54, 17 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

    • Thank you, I'll get to work on your suggestions soon. A couple of points I'd like to address: (1) the candy bar Twix refers to itself as a cookie bar, which seemed an apt description, for it and for Black Thunder. The term "cookie bar" isn't mentioned in the Twix article, but notice the wrapper in the photos. (2) I had a photo of the "Tiny Thunder" bar, but I din't mention it in the text because I didn't have an outside reference; so I thought it "safe" to include in a Gallery, which I didn't think needed references. Thanks again for taking the time to review the article. Boneyard90 (talk) 04:10, 17 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
What confused me with cookie bar is that its linked to candy bar, which doesn't mention it either, also Black Thunder is disambiged with chocolate bar in the title. It is not so much that you needed references to include a photo of the Tiny Thunder bar, but if it is not mentioned in the article, then one could not consider the article to be comprehensize (one of the criteria for FA). ​​​​​​​​Niagara ​​Don't give up the ship 16:11, 17 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I see. I'll take steps to rectify those issues. Boneyard90 (talk) 16:24, 17 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
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