Wikipedia:Peer review/Bionicle/archive1

Bionicle

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I've listed this article for peer review because I wish to know of any flaws I may have missed and how close it is to meeting featured article criteria. Thanks, Twilight Helryx 13:54, 24 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Explanation of name is clumsy and could be integrated more fluidly.
Comparison to the Slizers/Throwbots and the Lego RoboRiders comes out of the blue - throwing disks? Huh?
Is the logo really that important?
What does it mean to write the story?
"Mata Nui has since been revived, with unfortunate consequences beginning with Teridax succeeding in his Plan" makes no sense. If Mata Nui was the guardian of this universe and Teridax some sort of Satan figure, why would Mata Nui's revival would be bad? What is the Plan anyway?
"Defeated, Makuta releases the ancient Bohrok, robotic drones who were designed to "cleanse" the island of Mata Nui (as it was "in the before-time") early for unknown purposes." Again, makes no sense. (In general, style is an issue; clauses are not split up & are run together in many places.)
2003 - The Bohrok-Kal and The Mask of Light - my eyes glazed over a quarter of the way through from all the names and events.
2010 is a mess.
In general, it lacks context. Real world impact/reception is a sine qua non of FAs, and this doesn't even have inspirations or influences on Bionicle besides the obvious Maori linguistic borrowings.

Mm-hmm. Okay, I'll get to work on those issues. Thank you very much for your time and comments.--Twilight Helryx 03:07, 28 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I'm going to turn your comments into a checklist so I can keep track more easily. Any additional comments are appreciated.

Explanation of name is clumsy and could be integrated more fluidly.

Not done: Working on way to do so.

Done: moved it directly after sentence about the launch dates.

Comparison to the Slizers/Throwbots and the Lego RoboRiders comes out of the blue - throwing disks? Huh?

Question: Got rid of the part about "throwing disks" as there hasn't been any in Bionicle since 2002. As for the comparison: by that you mean it's too sudden, right? Should I find a way to smooth the transition or take it out entirely?

Is the logo really that important?

Comment: It's not? Well, I guess it's going to have to stay there until I can get an image of the toys.

What does it mean to write the story?

Done: I think. I've made that part a little more specific by saying that it will be updated on a website.

"Mata Nui has since been revived, with unfortunate consequences beginning with Teridax succeeding in his Plan" makes no sense. If Mata Nui was the guardian of this universe and Teridax some sort of Satan figure, why would Mata Nui's revival would be bad? What is the Plan anyway?

Done: Explained.

"Defeated, Makuta releases the ancient Bohrok, robotic drones who were designed to "cleanse" the island of Mata Nui (as it was "in the before-time") early for unknown purposes." Again, makes no sense. (In general, style is an issue; clauses are not split up & are run together in many places.)

Done: Smoothed it out as requested.

2003 - The Bohrok-Kal and The Mask of Light - my eyes glazed over a quarter of the way through from all the names and events.

Y I think I've smoothed out the section, but as fan, I think I might be biased on this one.

2010 is a mess.

Comment: I know; it was added a little after I submitted this peer review and I didn't have the opportunity to smooth it out. Someone else has refined it today, but I'm going to have to go over it again to be sure.

Done: Because the section appeared to be chock-full of original research and uncited/unconfirmed future info, I've removed that section. It will stay removed until we have confirmation from a reliable source.

In general, it lacks context. Real world impact/reception is a sine qua non of FAs, and this doesn't even have inspirations or influences on Bionicle besides the obvious Maori linguistic borrowings.

Comment: In that case, I guess we better start doing some research. --Twilight Helryx 13:39, 28 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, and my first suggestion would be to get your references into order. A number of your website references lack publisher and/or last access dates, which are the bare minimum needed for WP:V. Books need publisher, author, and page number on top of title. When you've got those mostly straightened out, drop me a note on my talk page and I'll be glad to come back and look at the actual sources themselves, and see how they look in terms of reliability, like I would at FAC. Also, Wikipedia articles cannot be used as references, as has been done in current refs 5, 11, and 12. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 18:02, 4 December 2009 (UTC)

Okay. I think the website sources can be fixed fairly quickly, but the books would be a bit of a problem because I only own two of the 29 released. If anyone owns any of the books in the ref section, some help would be appreciated.--Twilight Helryx 19:43, 4 December 2009 (UTC)[reply]