Wikipedia:Peer review/Beyond Good & Evil (video game)/archive1

Beyond Good & Evil (video game)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
Because there's a bounty on this article, David Fuchs, Zxcvbnm, Bridies and I have been working on the cult classic to Featured Article status. So please give your suggestions on improvement. GamerPro64 (talk) 01:34, 21 March 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: I have never played this game, which might make me a better reveiwer in some ways. While what is here is decent, I think this needs a fair amount of work before it would be ready for FAC, so here are some suggestions for improvement.

• The lead seems pretty short and sparse for the article. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but I do not get much sense of what makes the gameplay unique from the lead, for example.
• Per WP:LEAD, nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself. However, I really can't find much in the article on the sequel despite this in the lead "A sequel, Beyond Good & Evil 2, is currently in development." There is more on this at the Beyond Good & Evil 2 article that could be incorporated here. I also would avoid words like "currently" - it would be better to say "A sequel has been in development since YEAR..." or "As of 2010 a sequel is in development..."
• Three of the four images need alt text for readers who cannot see the article - see WP:ALT and the alt text tool in the Toolbox here
• The external link checker tool finds two problem links - I tried to access both and neither was available.
• There are a few places that seem to need references - for example the last paragraph of Gameplay and first paragraph of Reception have no refs, and much of the second paragraph in Setting and characters also lacks refs. There are also a few sentences at the end of referenced paragraphs which do not themselves have refs, like Christophe Héral has worked on numerous film and television works throughout his career, and his only video game titles to date are Beyond Good & Evil and its sequel. and at least one "citation needed" {{Fact}} tag.
• As someone who has not played the game and does not play many such games, I may be more aware of jargon and things that are not explained clearly or placed into context for the reader. So for example, in Jade's main tools are her Daï-jo combat staff, a melee weapon; discs for a ranged attack; and a camera.[3] I think it would help to link melee weapon and provide a link or brief explanation for "ranged attack" (which I am not sure of the meaning of). Much later boss fight needs a link too.
• The language is generally decent but needs polish in spots - for example should the name of the (space)ship be italicized in "Traveling around the world is accomplished via a hovercraft, also used for races and other minigames, and, later, a spaceship, the Beluga, which can store the hovercraft on board."? Or ...push or bash in doors and objects,... is just awkward. More examples follow.
• See if passive constructions can be rewritten using active voice. So for The architecture of the city around which the game takes place was designed with a rustic European style. could the name(s) of the designer(s) be used instead? Ancel and Morin used a rustic European style for the design of the architecture of the city around which the game takes place. (still a bit rough, but you get the idea). Shouldn't the name of the city be given too?
• Since the adjective "Hillyan" has already been used, would Jade and Pey'j are looking after children of Hillys orphaned by the DomZ. read better as Jade and Pey'j are looking after Hillyan children orphaned by the DomZ.?
• Would "job as a photgrapher" work better in When Jade runs out of money to run the shield that protects them, she finds a photography job, cataloging all the species on Hillys ...?
• This just seems awkward The game was originally shown at the 2002 Electronic Entertainment Expo, where it received negative reception.
• Avoid needless repetition - these two sentneces could be combined, for example: The soundtrack of Beyond Good & Evil was composed by Christophe Héral. Héral was hired by Ancel to compose the soundtrack of Beyond Good & Evil due to his background in film, which Ancel was looking for. could be merged into something like The soundtrack of Beyond Good & Evil was composed by Christophe Héral, whose background in film was what Ancel was looking for. or perhaps Ancel was looking for a composer for the Beyond Good & Evil soundtrack who had a beackground in film; he hired Christophe Héral... (could you add more specifics on what Héral had done in film before this?)
• The Audio section does not talk about recording the dialogue. I would imagine the original game was in French, or was it in English? Could information on this be found?
• Another awkward sentence On Metacritic, which assigns a score out of 100, the game has scores [ranging?] from a low of 83% for the PC version [to?] and 87% for the GameCube and Xbox versions, based on 26, 33, and 40 reviews respectively.
• So I think this needs a copyedit (there are rough spots I did not explicitly mention). The French and Polish versions of this article are both FAs - if anyone can read those languages, there might some useful iformation / ideas there too.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 12:46, 4 April 2010 (UTC)