Wikipedia:Peer review/Becky Lynch/archive1

Becky Lynch

I've listed this article for peer review because this article just failed prematurely to be a FA. This was my first FAC and probably that's why I couldn't succeed. Two people commented on the review and there were concerns regarding the lead and WP:PROSELINE. I tried to fix as much as possible (by trimming information and avoiding too many dates), but I still think it's a long way from being FA. The FA review was not substantial and I think this article requires more copyediting. I feel the references and MOS is quite decent. Most of the problems are in the prose and I want to make it engaging to the general audience. Have a look at WP PW/MOS to look at the WikiProject guidelines the article is part of. Also, you may also like to have look at already FA BLP of this sort: Bobby Eaton, CM Punk and Shelton Benjamin. Feel free to edit the article and leave your comments.

Thanks, ImmortalWizard(chat) 17:12, 4 January 2019 (UTC)

Comments by LM2000

Prose, week-by-week additions

I made some comments at WT:PW about this article, I was actually surprised at how it was in mostly good shape. The pre-WWE career is fine as the article passed GA requirements in 2010. The WWE career has some issues that Laser brain pointed out. We need to summarize their careers, which means we only include major details and we need to write in a fluid manner. Another thing to watch out for is WP:JARGON. There's a debate as to whether or not you should use "villain" or heel (professional wrestling) but you can't use both interchangeably. Also, why are the tag team names in italics? I'm not sure if I've ever seen that before.

If it was up to me the following two paragraphs would be condensed. The rest of the article should kind of resemble this:

Suggested modification

Lynch made her official main roster debut the on the 13 July episode of Raw, as a fan favorite, along with Charlotte and Sasha Banks, after Stephanie McMahon called for a "revolution" in the WWE Divas division. Lynch and Charlotte began allying with Paige, who was feuding with Team Bella (Alicia Fox and The Bella Twins), while Banks allied with Naomi and Tamina, leading to a brawl between the three teams.[48] The trio of Paige, Lynch and Charlotte, originally dubbed Submission Sorority, was renamed to Team PCB (after the initials of each wrestler) when it was found out the original name was the same as an adult web page.[49] Lynch made her in-ring debut on the 20 July episode of Raw, teaming with Paige in a losing effort against Sasha Banks and Naomi.[50][51] She earned her first singles victory on the 28 July episode of Main Event over Brie Bella.[52] The three teams ultimately faced off at SummerSlam in a three-team elimination match, in which Lynch pinned Brie Bella to win the match for PCB.[53] On the 31 August episode of Raw, all members of PCB competed in the first ever "Divas Beat the Clock challenge", to determine the number one contender for the Divas Championship.[54] Charlotte won the match and went on to claim the title from Nikki Bella at Night of Champions on 20 September.[55] The following night on Raw, Paige turned on her partners during Charlotte's celebration, claiming that Charlotte was only there because of her father Ric Flair (since he was a former wrestler in WWE) and called Lynch the "least relevant" member of the group.[56] Lynch made her main roster debut the on the 13 July episode of Raw, as a face (fan favorite). Stephanie McMahon said her debut was part of a "revolution" in the Divas division. Lynch quickly formed an alliance with Charlotte and Paige named Team PCB (the initials of each wrestler), and entered into a feud with Team Bella (Alicia Fox and The Bella Twins) and Sasha Banks, Naomi and Tamina. As part of the faction, she teamed with Paige to make her in-ring debut on the 20 July episode of Raw, in a losing effort against Sasha Banks and Naomi. She followed this up with her first singles victory on the 28 July episode of Main Event over Brie Bella. The three teams ultimately faced off at SummerSlam in a three-team elimination match, in which Lynch pinned Brie Bella to win the match for PCB. PCB disbanded after Charlotte won the Divas Championship at Night of Champions and Paige turned on her partners the following night on Raw.

Sources

This is most of what we discussed at WT:PW so this has been mostly improved. I see WrestleZone is there and that's listed as unreliable per WP:PW/RS. Wrestling Inc. is used too but it's an interview so it should be okay. Also, we're listing the same sources under different names. Pro Wrestling Insider and PWInsider are both used, Wrestling Observer/Figure Four Online and Wrestling Observer Newsletter are both used. You need to use one or the other for PWI and need to use Wrestling Observer Newsletter (with link) for the latter. Make sure you use the "work" parameter and not the "publisher" parameter so that it shows up with italics. ESPN is used a few times and should use the "publisher" parameter because it does not need italics.

Also, it would be wise to archive these urls. I see some of them are dead and some of the people reviewing for FA would like you to archive the live ones to prevent WP:LINKROT.

Misc. comments

I heard an interview she did with Sam Roberts where she said she went to clown school. Was this an in-character quip or did it actually happen? If it's real then should it be mentioned?

As with the lede issues Lee Vilenski pointed out, I think that there should be something in there about "The Man" and her recent rise in popularity.

Comments by Lee Vilenski

So, I'll prefix this and say that my only experience is with GA, where I review quite a few nominations. However, an FA should meet current GA conditions and exceed them for FA.

The biggest issue, and something I commented on before, is the quality of the lede. On the best articles on wikipedia, the lede is the most important part of the article, it should summarize the article, and be a good representation of the subject. The MOS for ledes, say they can be up to 4 paragraphs in length. So, here's some important bits in my eyes:

Lee V's lede comments

Rebecca Quin[7] (born 30 January 1987 needs location of birth from Infobox) is an Irish link Republic of Ireland professional wrestler. She is currently signed to WWE this should read World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) under the ring name Becky Lynch, where she performs on the SmackDown brand. Quin began training as a professional wrestler in June 2002. Should this be a simple sentence, or compound? Initially working in Ireland and occasionally teaming with her brother Is her brother lede worthy? He's not even named using the ring name Rebecca Knox, she soon expanded her career into the rest of Europe and North America on the independent circuit, wrestling regularly for various promotions. She most notably competed in Elite Canadian Championship Wrestling and became the first wrestler to win the SuperGirls Championship in June 2005. In September 2006, Quin suffered a severe head injury during a match in Germany which kept her away from professional wrestling for several years. She returned in late 2012 and signed a contract with World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) in 2013, reporting to the developmental territory NXT. This should mention why her being in NXT is important Following her arrival on WWE's main roster in July 2015, she became the inaugural SmackDown Women's Champion at Backlash 2016 and since held the title twice as of December 2018. This whole sentence should be enhanced and expanded. The SmackDown Women's championship is a verified World Championship, so it should say this in the first paragraph. It's also very notable that she was the first champion; rather than mentioned in passing. This whole article needs a "reception" section. I'm sure Dave Metzelter has commented on her, as other sources must have done; which would help a lot towards a potential FA.

Hope this helps. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:16, 6 January 2019 (UTC)