Jump to content

Wikipedia:Peer review/Bad Blood (2004)/archive1

Add links
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Bad Blood (2004)

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I want to know what needs to be done, so the article can become an FA.

Thanks, --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:52, 25 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]


SRX's comments

[edit]
Resolved Comments from SRX

Lead

  • Seven professional wrestling matches, performances with pre-determined outcomes between wrestlers with fictional personalities that are portrayed as real, were featured on the event's card. - no need for the explanation of professional wrestling matches.
  • The main event was a Hell in a Cell match, a match where wrestlers fight in a ring surrounded by a steel structure of metal. Triple H defeated Shawn Michaels by pinfall. - it sounds as if these were two different matches, should be something like "In this match.." see Bad Blood (2003).
  • Two bouts were featured on the undercard. In respective standard wrestling matches, World Heavyweight Champion Chris Benoit defeated Kane to retain his title and WWE Intercontinental Champion Randy Orton defeated Shelton Benjamin to retain his title. - the proper term for a standard wrestling match is "Singles match." Remember, the lead can be In-Universe, but they have to be explained later in the article.
  • Including the scripted buildup, the 2004 Bad Blood event grossed over $494,000 ticket sales from an attendance of 9,000. The event received 264,000 pay-per-view buys. This event helped WWE's pay-per-view revenue increase by $4.7 million from the previous year. When the event was released on DVD, it reached a peak position of third on Billboard's DVD Sales Chart. - I recommend eliminating "including the scripted buildup" as that was discouraged from SummerSlam 2003. Also, I recommend you follow the way I wrote this prose for No Way Out (2004), which Nikki fixed up for me a bit.

Will come back for BG after above is resolved.--SRX 20:33, 25 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Background

  • The name of a wrestler's character was not always the person's birth name, as wrestlers often used a stage name to portray their character. - no needed, the linking of the real names should be self explanatory.
  • The main event written into Bad Blood was fought in a Hell in a Cell match between Triple H (Paul Levesque) and Shawn Michaels (Michael Hickenbottom), a match where the ring is surrounded by a structure of metal. - I think scripted would work better here versus written.
  • The buildup to the match began after Backlash, WWE's previous pay-per-view event. On the May 3 episode of Raw, one of WWE's primary television programs, General Manager Eric Bischoff, a portrayed match maker and rules enforcer, promoted a World Heavyweight Championship match for that episode, between the champion Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels - these two sentences are suppose to tie up somehow, yet they don't. You go from Backlash to Raw, no transition or connection.
  • The title match saw Benoit successfully retain the World Heavyweight Championship, after interference by Triple H, one of the opponents in the Triple Threat match at Backlash, a standard wrestling match involving three wrestlers. - no need for a comma after championship, you say "the" triple threat match, like if you already introduced the subject, which you haven't (needs revision). The explanation would also fit better between Triple Threat match and Backlash.
  • The following week, a number one contender's Battle Royal, an elimination style match where the last person in the ring is the winner, match was scheduled, in which the winner would go on to face Chris Benoit for the World Heavyweight Championship at Bad Blood - 1) Too much repetition of "championship," title will also do. 2) no need for match after the third comma.
  • The following week, a number one contender's Battle Royal, an elimination style match where the last person in the ring is the winner, match was scheduled, in which the winner would go on to face Chris Benoit for the World Heavyweight Championship at Bad Blood.[4][5] One of the participants in the match included Triple H, who after eliminating Shelton Benjamin, was eliminated by Michaels, who was not a participant in the match, as he ran towards Triple H and extended his arm out and knocked him out of the ring and out of the match.
    • 2)These two sentences can really be cut down. How about The following week on Raw, a number one contender's Battle Royal, an elimination style match where the last person remaining in the ring would be the winner, was scheduled, in which the winner would go on to face Chris Benoit for the World Heavyweight title at Bad Blood.[4][5] During the match, participant Triple H was eliminated by Michaels, who was not a participant in the match.
  • On the May 24 episode of Raw, Triple H pleaded with Bischoff to lift Michaels suspension and reinstate him back in the roster, after Bischoff scripted to suspend Michaels on the May 10 edition of Raw. - the fact that Bischoff suspended Michaels should be introduced first before Triple H pleaded. Also Bischoff is not the one who scripts stuff, he is scripted to do stuff.
    • Added/fix, how does it look? --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 18:23, 26 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • On the May 10 episode of Raw, at the start of the program, a singles match between Triple H and Shelton Benjamin resulted in a no contest, after Michaels attacked Triple H.[5][6] The attack led to Bischoff suspend Michaels. - no comma need after the word "after." Also, can be merged into one sentence ..in a no contest after Michaels attacked Triple H; this resulted in a storyline suspension of Michaels from WWE by Bischoff.--SRX 18:59, 26 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • On the same evening, Michaels confronted Bischoff if he was scheduled in a match with Triple H at Bad Blood, in which Bischoff assured Michaels the match that would take place. - How about "Later during the program, etc." You say too much here, can be said in less words to tie in with the following sentence. You should take out everything and just leave "as Michaels talked to Bischoff backstage, (then you tie in the other sentence)
  • Moment afterwards, Michaels was jumped from behind by Triple H, after Michaels attacked Triple H earlier.[6][7] The Raw roster were given orders to attack Triple H and Michaels if seen fighting; the roster was unsuccessful in doing so.[6][7] The result of the brawl between Michaels and Triple H gave Bischoff the authority to schedule Triple H and Michaels in a Hell in a Cell match at Bad Blood.
    • 1)Jumped is not a good word, attacked is better.
    • 2)The first part reads as if HBK was jumped following him jumping Triple H, would read better as "by Triple H due to him attacking Triple H earlier in the program." Also you need to establish that this is scripted.
    • 3)I don't see how the result of the brawl gave Bischoff authority to make the match. The info also about the roster being able to attack them is irrelevant.SRX 00:49, 26 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Later in the program, Michaels discussed with Bischoff about a standard match with Triple H. Michaels, however, was attacked by Triple H due to him attacking Triple H earlier in the program. - in second thought, you can reword this and merge it by saying with Triple H, though, he was then attacked by Triple H. (No need for the reason why, it sounds like you are speaking for HHH).--SRX 18:59, 26 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments about Feud #1

  • On the May 24 episode of Raw, Triple H pleaded with Bischoff to lift Michaels suspension and reinstate him back in the roster.[9][10] Later in the program during a backstage segment, Michaels discussed with Bischoff about a standard wrestling match, also known in professional wrestling as a singles match, against Triple H at Bad Blood. As the conversation continued, Triple H appeared and attacked Michaels.[9][10] Bischoff had enough with the brawl between Michaels and Triple H, he scheduled them in a Hell in a Cell match at Bad Blood - you can cut this down (just noticed) just say As a result of the incident during the Battle Royal, Bischoff scheduled a singles match between Triple H and Michaels for Bad Blood. Short and simple and to the point. Also, put that link and standard match explanation in there.
  • Earlier in that para. you say singles match, but don't explain it or link it, so you should link it there and not at the end.

--SRX 00:56, 28 September 2008 (UTC) Comments about Feud #2[reply]

  • One of the featured preliminary matches was contested for the World Heavyweight Championship, in which Chris Benoit defended the championship against Kane. - remove preliminary, it was agreed at WT:PW it sounds to rubbish. Also, reword "the championship" to "the title" (avoid repetition).
  • On the May 17 episode of Raw, Kane won a battle royal involving twenty wrestlers to receive a World Heavyweight Championship title shot against Benoit at Bad Blood. - no need to say how many people were in it, also would be better worded as "a match against Benoit for his World Heavyweight title."
  • After the match ended, Kane lifted Eugene by the throat and slammed him down to the mat, which prompted Kane to further the assault. - would be better worded per WT:PW as "Kane lifted Eugene by the throat and slammed him down to execute a chokeslam (link on chokeslam).
  • was scheduled between Benoit and Edge - it sounds like the match is between Edge and Benoit, would be better as "was scheduled, in which Benoit and Edge"
  • The rest is okay.--SRX 02:06, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments about Feud #3

  • The other featured preliminary match was Randy Orton versus Shelton Benjamin in a standard match for Orton's Intercontinental Championship. - remove preliminary. Also, since you already explained standard match, just say "singles" match.
  • On the May 17 episode of Raw, Randy Orton, who was a villain, bragged about how he was the company's longest reigning Intercontinental Champion in the last seven years.[15] Shelton Benjamin interrupted Orton's speech and challenged Orton to an Intercontinental Championship match. - You should say Orton was giving a speech/promo, it would make more sense when reading the second sentence above.
  • In the segment, Orton stayed true to his word, saying that he would not grant Benjamin an Intercontinental Championship match. Orton then turned his attention towards Jericho and stated that he would enjoy adding Jericho to the list of legends that he has defeated, a list of veterans of professional wrestling that Orton had defeated in a "Legend versus Legend Killer" match, a match in which a veteran wrestler is scheduled in a match against a younger wrestler. - all of this is not needed, per WP:PLOT. It will suffice with the next sentence about how a brawl broke out.
  • An all-out brawl quickly ensued between Jericho and Orton. - how about just "A brawl broke out."? Also, you need to say in some form that it is scripted (the brawl)
  • The brawl brought out fellow Evolution member, a group of wrestlers, Batista (David Bautista, Jr.), to Orton's aid. - if you remove what I said above, you need to rephrase this to say that Orton was in Evolution.
  • Bischoff announced that the battling that took place, would become in the form of a tag team encounter. - how about, As a result of the brawl, Bischoff announced a tag team match, in which (whoever beat who).
  • The last sentence is good.SRX 23:51, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Comments on Preliminary match #1
  • La Résistance gained the early advantage when Conway grabbed Edge and rammed him onto the security wall, back first. - so is the security wall in the ring?
  • Conway then rolled Edge back into the ring, in which Grenier dragged Edge to the corner, where Conway was standing, and double teamed Edge. The advantage was gained back by Edge, when he knocked Grenier with a kick. Edge tagged Benoit into the match, which led him to get the advantage over Grenier and Conway. in second thought, I would remove all of this, and just say At one point, Benoit applied a crossface hold ...etc. This match is not those type of matches that need a lot of explaining, you know what I'm saying?

--SRX 21:26, 30 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on Match #2
  • The second wrestling match on the pay-per-view was Tyson Tomko (Travis Tomko) (with Trish Stratus [Patricia Stratigias]) versus Chris Jericho in a standard match. 1)Why not just "The second match"? 2)How about "accompanied with Trish Stratus" and a link to valet. 3)Already said standard match in the BG, just say singles match.
  • In the early stages both competitors wrestled inconclusively, reversed each other's attacks, before Tyson backed Jericho into a corner and hit numerous reverse elbows. - how about just "his elbows"?
  • The match concluded with Jericho performing a kick that struck the back of Tyson's head and pinning Tomko for the three count. - how about "Jericho kicked Tyson in the back of the head to perform a _____(with w/e the name of the move is)" Also, no need to say "for the three count" Just say pinning Tomko for the win will suffice.
--SRX 00:37, 2 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Comments on match #4

--SRX 02:03, 8 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Wrestlinglover's comments

[edit]

Okay I'm sorry, I forgot about this. I got busy again. Okay here are my comments for the lead.

    • Background

I found time to do a little of the background.--WillC 06:39, 2 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I'm sorry but I did not find any problems in the background. I do think Rob Coway doesn't need his name in parenthesis because Robert is fine but other than that it is good. I'll read the event section tomorrow. I haven't had time alot lately so I'm sorry.--WillC 06:39, 2 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Event
  • I was told by an FA reviewer that the first sentence in the Event section should have the title of the ppv in it. Like "Before the 2004 edition of Bad Blood went live" or "Before Bad Blood went live".--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "La Résistance gained the early advantage when Conway grabbed Edge and rammed him onto the security wall, back first." --Maybe you should say that they are fighting on the outside of the ring.--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The second match was Tyson Tomko (Travis Tomko) accompanied with Trish Stratus [Patricia Stratigias])" --Change "with" to "by".--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I do not think singles match is need afterwards.--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Jericho attempted to springboard of the middle rope to perform a backflip," to "Jericho attempted to springboard off of the middle rope to perform a backflip,"--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and hooked Benjamin's tights to pin Benjamin for the three count and retaining the Intercontinental Championship." I do not think "retaining" is needed. Instead just "retain".--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The fifth match was between Eugene and Jonathan Coachman in a standard match." --I do not believe Standard match is needed.--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "which prompted Cade to tore up toy animal." --Sounds awkward. Maybe you can fix it.--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and coming off to attempt and hit Benoit with his forearm by jumping off the top rope" to "and coming off to attempt and hit Benoit with his forearm when he jumped off" --The other way is redundant in my mind.--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "but Kane fought out of and Benoit rolled Kane up in a pin to get a three count, and thus retaining the World Heavyweight Championship." to "Kane fought out of it, Benoit them rolled Kane up in a pin to get a three count, and thus retaining the World Heavyweight Championship." --A run on the other way.--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "This was followed with Michaels' slamming Triple H's head onto the steel cage, resulting in Triple H being scripted to bleed from the forehead, the blood loss results from previous cuts that wrestlers perform before a match called blading." --Are we should he was scripted to bleed? I'm just throwing that out there because it might come up in the FA review.--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Aftermath
  • Explain what SummerSlam is. "At SummerSlam," Say WWE's August pay-per-view event.
  • You never explain that Triple H won number one contendership to fight Benoit at Vengeance. You say Triple H vs. Eugene ended in a No Contest but then later say Benoit defeats Kane and earns the right to fight Triple H at Vengeance, or something like that. You do not mention how he got to fight Benoit.--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Reception
  • Why do you not have the rating for the Hell in the Cell? I would have the rating for Kane vs Benoit, HBK vs Triple H, and Orton vs. Benjamin since they are the main matches. The lowest match can stay if you wish but I do not know what it brings to the article.--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • In Sacrifice's GA review, the editor said he wanted The Sun's opinion in it because of commentary. I thought it was a good idea and it adds to the Reception. Maybe you could look on The Sun's website and see if they have a review. Look at Sacrifice (2008)'s GA review to understand what I mean.--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I'm sorry it took me so long but I haven't been in the mood to read since that is all I do anymore. Now I feel there was something else I'm supposed to review and leave comments for but I have forgotten. If there is one, tell me on my talkpage. I always like to see I have a message when I get on everyday. Plus if I missed something, I'm sorry. I was listening to Metallica the entire time I read this. So I'm a little dizzy.--WillC 06:23, 9 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Peer_review/Bad_Blood_(2004)/archive1&oldid=1142590475"