Wikipedia:Peer review/Ashley Tisdale/archive3

Ashley Tisdale

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I've been working on it since 2008-ish and I want to get it promoted to FA status. I'd really appreciate some input, copyedit or anything that can help me polish it up. I've been working on it for so long that I can't see anything else wrong with it, so a third-party point of view is pretty much what I need!

Thanks in advance, decodet. (talk) 12:16, 1 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Pedro

I applaud your work, it's clear that you've worked your ass of on Ashley's article and you're getting closer and closer to that gold star! For now I can't see any obvious problems with the article, other than some minor details. But those are easy to do, so I'm going to go ahead and do some copyedits (feel free to remove any which you find unhelpful or irrelevant). I'll give you an update as soon as I'm done. pedro | talk 16:48, 1 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, Pedro. I really appreciate that! decodet. (talk) 00:27, 8 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from SNUGGUMS

Lead

"The High School Musical series became a successful franchise that included three films, a spin-off, and numerous soundtrack albums"..... I'm well aware of the success of the series, but some might find it POV to call it "successful" in this instance. Not too sure if the soundtracks are needed. Maybe we can use "The High School Musical series included three films and a spin-off" instead.

The soundtracks released were all number one albums in the USA and the first one became 2006's top selling album there. I thought it was worth mentioning the soundtracks but I can remove them if it's trivial. decodet. (talk) 03:59, 10 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"demonstrate a more adult image"..... seems POV, how about instead including some lyrical/thematic details?

I changed the content a little maybe, what do you think? Would it be POV? decodet. (talk) 03:59, 10 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"has received very positive reviews"..... critical acclaim

Changed it. decodet. (talk) 03:59, 10 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Notable" in "Her other notable roles" is POV

Copyedited the sentence. decodet. (talk) 03:59, 10 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Tisdale has also been building for herself a career as a producer"..... how about something like "Tisdale has also gone into producing"?

Done! decodet. (talk) 03:59, 10 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

More to come..... SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 02:52, 10 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your first input! decodet. (talk) 03:59, 10 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

No problem :). Sorry for the delay, I'm now resuming....

Life and career

Give the subsections titles for the eras (i.e. "early life", "High School Musical", "Zack & Cody") along with the years

1985–2003

What company did her family own, and where is the source?
Move the quote box to the top of the subsection
"He sent her to numerous auditions"..... I think various would be better

2004–06

"Although the producers of the Disney Channel Original Movie High School Musical did not initially consider her because of her "good-girl image" on The Suite Life, Tisdale was eventually cast as the popular, narcissistic high school student Sharpay Evans in the 2006 film"..... restructure this a bit by having the role come after "consider her" part. If you need help, I can revise the sentence myself.
"This led Tisdale to make music history when she became the first female artist"..... not very encyclopedic, try "Tisdale subsequently became the first female artist"

2007–09

"Candace Flynn, a main character whose primary motivations are pleasing her boyfriend and getting her brothers in trouble"..... Candace doesn't have a boyfriend when the series begins, so this needs some rephrasing. You should also mention Jeremy by name, and provide a source for her character description.
"Senior Year premiered on October 2008"..... this should be either in October, or include the specific release date

2010–12

Quotebox and image shouldn't both be at top of subsection. For the sake of alternate alignments, move one if them closer to the end of the subsection.
"vocal roles" → "voice roles

2013–present

"The film was released in April 2013 and grossed $15 million on its first weekend, making it the lowest-grossing weekend for a Scary Movie film; it was also a critical failure"..... there should be a comma after "2013". "It was also a critical failure" would read better as something like "The film was panned by critics"

Other ventures

Philanthropy

"Tisdale has regularly volunteered for charitable activities" doesn't really belong
"LA’s" → "Los Angeles'", also remember that per MOS:QUOTEMARKS: ‘ and ’ should be ', “ and ” should be ".

Endorsement and Image

This section is best split in half as "Image" should have a separate section and be titled "Public Image".
"A sex symbol, Tisdale" → "Tisdale is seen as a sex symbol, and"
More MOS:QUOTEMARKS issues with the "not just the young girl" quote

Personal Life

The first paragraph belongs in the "1985–2003" section. Also, it would be helpful to include how specifically Ron Popeil and her grandfather are related
Looking back in the infobox, I see that her fiancé Christopher Frencg is listed as a partner. Please don't include him in the infobox unless they get married and/or have children together.

List if works

Instead if this section with only referral links, have separate sections for filmography and discography. List her studio albums under discography, and films she acted in under filmography. See articles like Katy Perry and Madonna (entertainer) for examples.

There's my 2¢. You should also have a section on her artistry, discussing her influences, musical/acting styles, and what critics have said of her works (both in music and film). The above articles I mentioned are examples you can take after. SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 23:19, 25 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Dear SNUGGUMS, I really appreciate your input. I've addressed most of your issues and I've created the section "Artistry" - I hope it works. Maybe if possible you could take a look at the section I just created? Thanks a lot! decodet. (talk) 19:55, 26 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

You're quite welcome, and this article has made lots of progress! I'll look at the references later and fix any issues myself, but should mention the following:

"Early life and career" should read "Early life and career beginnings", and after some thought the quotebox should be removed.
"2013–present" should have some description to the era like the other subsections of "life and career".
"Endorsement" should read something like "Business" or "Business endorsements"
"Influences" should have its own subsection within "artistry". Here, you should also include more things she has said about her influences. Critics opinions on her music should also be added.

If I can think of anything else, I'll let you know. SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 03:27, 27 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your third input, SNUGGUMS. I've worked on your issues already! decodet. (talk) 21:36, 27 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

It was my pleasure :) SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 23:13, 27 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Filmography

Hey, SNUGGUMS. I've been giving some thoughts about filmography section and I'm wondering if it's not trivial to list films in which she just makes a cameo or doesn't have a relevant role. Maybe we could only list the films in which she is a lead? And maybe also list the television series she also starred, giving the fact she is more a television star than a film star? What is your opinion? decodet. (talk) 02:54, 28 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

If a separate page for filmography/videography does not exist, then the standard is to list films starred in (even if cameo or minor role) and not television series (however prominent the role). SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 02:56, 28 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

@SNUGGUMS It exists, in this case. And I'm also wondering that because Angelina Jolie, which is a FA, only have listed the films she has a leading role, you see. decodet. (talk) 03:14, 28 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

In any case, do not list TV shows starred in when there is a separate page (which I noticed). SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 03:16, 28 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I see. Thanks for everything, SNUGGUMS! You really gave me some help in here, I am happy to see you much the article has evolved with this peer review! :) decodet. (talk) 17:58, 29 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

You are most welcome :) SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 19:14, 29 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]