Wikipedia:Peer review/Amor Prohibido (song)/archive1

Amor Prohibido (song)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want this article to be an "A" status rather then a "B" status

Thanks, AJona1992 (talk) 20:26, 6 March 2011 (UTC)

I don't understand why you think, this is a B class. It has already a GA-status; maybe you want it featured?--♫Greatorangepumpkin♫T 12:44, 11 March 2011 (UTC)

Well I'm not very knowledgeable with Wikipedia's Standards so that's why I came here to see if this article is or can be a "A" status. AJona1992 (talk) 16:04, 11 March 2011 (UTC)

Note: I am currently having internet connection problems, and there may be a dalay befoe I can start this review. Sorry. Brianboulton (talk) 15:40, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

Its alright thanks for letting me know, hope that your connection gets better soon. Take care, AJona1992 (talk) 21:36, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

Back in business from today. The review will be done in the next couple of days; thanks for your patience. Brianboulton (talk) 14:12, 20 March 2011 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: Obviously some good work has been done here, but I have to say that overall, the prose is weak, and I am surprised that some of the issues that I raise here were not brought up and addressed during the GA review, which seems as though it was carried out rather superficially. I would not at present class this as of GA standard. Here are some specific prose problems, mainly from the lead and first section:-

Lead

• First para, final sentence: "The song describes a relationship, the story of love between a man and a women who are tested with their love, poverty, differences, and are even dealt with their parents who disapprove of their relationship." The sentence reads clumsily, and the last part is ungrammatical. I think the meaning is "The song describes a erlationship between a man and a woman in which their love is tested by poverty, differences and parental disapproval". If so I suggest you reword accordingly.
• In the second paragraph, the first "her" should be replaced by the singer's name
• You say the song "won both the Premio Lo Nuestro Awards for 'Pop Ballad of the Year'". Does this mean two awards for "pop Ballad of the Year"? In what year were these awards made? I don't see any reference to this song on the Premio Lo Nuestro Awards article.
• "While at the Tejano Music Awards, the single led Selena to win all nominated work for the album Amor Prohibido" Again, the wording is clumsy and hard to interpret. What does "all nominated work" mean? Why say "the single led Selena to win" instead of "the single won"? Also, the opening "While" is unnecessary.
• In what year was the Grammy Award nomination for "Best Mexican-American Performance"?

Background and composition

• The song was "written and produced by Jorge Alberto Pino..." and several other names. We then read that "The single was arranged by Joe Ojeda, and Chris Pérez". What does "arranged" mean in this context?
• Too many sentences in this paragraph begin "The song..."
• What does "The song leaked into airplay..." mean, and "a couple weeks" sounds vague and informal.
• Referring to Quintanilla as "A.B." is likewise too informal.
• Having earlier said that the song was "written and produced" by a whole list of people, you now seem to be saying that the song was written by Quintanilla with a bit of help from Selena. This seems inconsistent.
• In the short second paragraph, all three sentences begin "Selena"
• Other prose glitches in this section include "an Tejano Pop mix" and "Its lyrics describes..."

I have not studied the remaining sections in such close detail, but I'm afraid I found the Critical reception section almost impossible to understand. Sample sentences:-

• "A.B. Quintanilla III wrote most of Selena's biggest hits and songs and usually writes the songs out of the boundaries of Tejano music,[12] which led Selena to become the "Queen of Tejano music" due to her being the first and only Tejano artist to have achieved this feat."
• "About.com added Selena's single "Dreaming of You" to the top 12 Spanish language songs that have been played on English language radio, while doing so, About.com stated that "the album of the same name includes "Amor Prohibido" and "Como La Flor," both of which enjoyed popularity in Latin America" during their scoring".

I also note that the Covers section is written in bullet points, which should be converted to standard prose. I believe that the article should be given a thorough copyedit by a knowlegeable and preferably uninvolved editor. One issue unrelated to prose is that the toolbox on the right reveals four links to disambiguation pages.

Brianboulton (talk) 23:26, 20 March 2011 (UTC)

All issues have been taken care of. Are there any more to be addressed? AJona1992 (talk) 15:15, 7 April 2011 (UTC)