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Wikipedia:Peer review/Ala (Hala)/archive1

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Reviewers who like mythology and folklore may find the subject interesting and give me suggestions how to make this article as good as possible. Thanks in advance. VVVladimir 18:25, 22 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • The lead of this article may be too long, or may contain too many paragraphs. Please follow guidelines at WP:LEAD; be aware that the lead should adequately summarize the article.[?]

 Done Now it is shorter and divided into two paragraphs. VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]

  • The lead is for summarizing the rest of the article, and should not introduce new topics not discussed in the rest of the article, as per WP:LEAD. Please ensure that the lead adequately summarizes the article.[?]

 Done I removed the additional, somewhat less relevant information. VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]

 Done This time, I was quite liberal with links. VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]

 Done I have a question here: dates so linked in the 'accessdate' field of the 'cite web' template are shown in the double brackets on the article page; is this an error in the software? VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]

 Done VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]

  • There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
    • is considered
    • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).[?]
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”

 Done I kept two some's, one several, one many and two any's, which, IMHO, is not much for the size of the article. I suppose we cannot totally banish these words. VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]

    • Avoid misplaced formality: “in order to/for” (-> to/for), “thereupon”, “notwithstanding”, etc.

 Done VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Copy editors, your suggestions are welcome! VVVladimir 23:17, 4 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 14:27, 26 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]