Wikipedia:Peer review/2014 White House intrusion/archive1

2014 White House intrusion

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made in a new section.

I've listed this article for peer review because User:Freikorp and I would like to receive feedback before nominating it for Good article status. Thank you for your consideration, time, and assistance. ---Another Believer _(Talk) 17:02, 12 October 2015 (UTC)

• Comments
• I'm not sure we need a "deaths" field in the infobox if there were none

• Removed.

• I'm not a fan of the article body continuing on from the lead, the two should really be seen separately—as such we should be seeing Gonzalez given his full name at the start of "Background".

• Done

• Three successive sentences in "Background" start with "He"; can we break this up a little?

• Done

• "Gonzalez former step-son" -> missing the possessive
• "A portion of his foot was amputated - and the evidence is the limp you see in the video of him running across the White House lawn." -> This "a" need not be capitalised as it appears mid-sentence, and the hyphen should be a dash; which one is a matter of taste or national variance.

• Done

• "Neighbours described him as friendly and big-hearted" -> "big-hearted" is quite informal; if it's a direct quote, present it as one, and if not, perhaps reword it (generous, gregarious, welcoming, whatever seems apt).

• Placed it in quotes. It's a quote from the newspaper reporter rather than specifically from neighbours (at least according to the article), but I assume that's still ok to put in quotes.

• "He placed his mobile phone in his microwave, stating he thought the government was trying to bug his house." -> It's hard to tell if this is a singular incident or a recurring pattern.

• After reading the source i'm none the wiser, but I have reworded it somewhat to be a more accurate reflection of what is reported in the article.

• Not really an article comment, but why are car chases always in a Ford Bronco?

• Hahaha good point.

• "The also found a map of Washington with a circle drawn around the White House" -> They; also at this point we haven't yet had Washington DC specified—it's obviously inferred but a pipe link would be useful here.

• Done

• "Gonzalez was arrested for eluding police and possession of a sawed-off shotgun" -> "Eluding" is active, "possession" is passive, suggest changing to "and possessing a sawed-off shotgun"

• Done

• A senior official stated "A lot of people want to judge the Secret Service for not shooting, but [a] number of things have to be considered in this situation, including whether or not the principal is in the residence" adding "Given what’s emerged about [Gonzalez' mental health] since the arrest, maybe we’ll look back and say the Secret Service played a role in saving his life" -> A few things here. Again, we have mid-sentence capitals, and the paragraph ends still in a quote but without a closing quotation mark. I'm also not sure "Gonzalez'" is correct over "Gonzalez's", though I could be wrong on this (I do tend towards apostrophe-only with a terminal S, but not with a Z).

"I've closed the quote, but the mid-sentence capital (I assume you're referring to "Given" also appears as a capital in the source; should it still be removed? I'm not sure which is correct either (Gonzalez'/Gonzalez's), so might wait for a third opinion on that one.

You can drop the capitals if you're quoting something mid-sentence like this. You're giving the words, the transcription need not be identical--especially given as much of these quotes will have initially been transcribed by someone else from speech anyway. GRAPPLE ^X 11:02, 13 October 2015 (UTC)

Thanks for the explanation. Done. Freikorp (talk) 11:05, 13 October 2015 (UTC)

• "Spyderco" seems like it should be a proper noun as a trademark name

• Done

• "The incident resulted in a "rare evacuation" of a large potion of the White House" -> Portion, unless Obama is a wizard.

• Hahaha well spotted. :)

• In the "Charges and trial" section, we have instances of number presented as word and as numerals, there shouldn't be a mix of both.

• It's my understanding that numbers under ten should be spelt out but over ten should appear as numerals. This is the format I have stuck to. Let me know if there is a guideline against this.

• You know, I could have sworn there was something about mixing the two styles but I couldn't find it in MOS:NUM and I'm not keen on beating round the bush about segregation. Should be fine as is. GRAPPLE ^X 11:32, 13 October 2015 (UTC)

• I would recommend alt text for the images being used.

• Done

• GRAPPLE ^X 08:59, 13 October 2015 (UTC)

• Thanks so much for your review, I think i've addressed everything now. Freikorp (talk) 11:05, 13 October 2015 (UTC)

• I have nothing else to add at this point. Hope any plans you have for it go well; it seems up to snuff for GA to me at the minute; perhaps with a little more time elapsed for sources to look back on it it could be taken further (I think WP:PLT has an A-class system, could be mistaken on that; it might qualify for WP:MILHIST too given Gonzalez's service). GRAPPLE ^X 11:32, 13 October 2015 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.