Wikipedia:Peer review/1968 Illinois earthquake/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to make any corrections, as I plan to send this article to FAC.
Thanks, Ceranllama chat post 19:32, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
Comments from Casliber
[edit]I will jot some ideas here - I was in the middle of something so will return to this later. Casliber (talk · contribs) 01:24, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
- Ok this sentence - Millions within the region were affected in some way. is really vague. I know what you mean but I think it is a bit 'fluffy'
- Records of seismic activity in Illinois date back to 1795, when a small event shook a frontier area. - be good to add where this happened - sounds vague as is and leaves me wanting to know more.
- Link 'epicenter' somewhere. If not on WP, then to wikt.
- How can the earthquake be felt in approximately 23 different states? Either it was 23 or some other number, right? :)
Some copyediting for flow:
- McLeansboro in particular experienced extensive damage, though minor. - sounds odd, could probably reword it and leave out the 'though' or maybe just "McLeansboro in particular experienced extensive, though minor, damage" - flows a little better...
- Rewritten.
- Its local high school reported nineteen broken windows in the girl's gymnasium along with cracked plaster walls. A majority of classrooms also sustained fractured walls. --> "Its local high school reported nineteen broken windows in the girl's gymnasium along with cracked plaster walls, and most classrooms sustained fractured walls."
- The First United Methodist Church had a facade that was damaged; --> "The facade of the First United Methodist Church was damaged;"
- One home had three chimneys felled - 'felled' makes me think of trees, maybe 'collapsed' or even 'toppled' is better
- Other damage occurred, such as fallen chimneys, foundation cracks, and reports of collapsed parapets and overturned tombstones. - I'd rephrase and remove bolded bit, patently obvious it is damage. Maybe just say "There were reports of fallen chimneys, foundation cracks, collapsed parapets and overturned tombstones."
- The most severe evidence of this - the evidence is not severe, but the damage is.
- Also, is there any information on insurance payouts etc. from the quake?
- Not that I'm aware of. All finished. Ceranthor 13:24, 3 May 2009 (UTC)