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The following is an archived discussion of a featured list nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured list candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The list was not promoted by Matthewedwards 01:45, 13 March 2009 [1].

List of Speed Grapher episodes

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Nominator(s): ɳOCTURNEɳOIR ( t • c )
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Another episode list for your consideration. A minor warning: the contents of this list are quite disturbing. To quote one reviewer, "It's dark, the fetish angle has the potential to make folks very uncomfortable, and it's violent." Now that I've given fair warning, good luck! ɳOCTURNEɳOIR ( t • c ) 03:46, 5 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Resolved comments from Goodraise (talk · contribs)
Resolved comments
  • "The "goddess" kisses him, however, and Suitengu orders Saiga's death." - Why not "The "goddess" kisses him and Suitengu orders Saiga's death"? What is the relation of the kiss and the order to kill?
  • How can an emtpy lunch box make you ill?
  • Why is "goddess" sometimes quoted and sometimes not?
  • Is he already in jail at the beginning of the episode? If no reason for his being there is given, you could point that out to avoid making the reader think you (as the writer of the summary) are withholding information from them.
  • "to earn enough money to survive" - Perhaps change this to "for a living"?
  • "causing a strange reaction in his body" - How can you tell? What is it the viewer actually sees happening?
  • Why are you at first withholding that the goddess is Kagura? Does her transformation change her so much that she is unrecognizable?
    • Kagura isn't introduced until the second episode, and her appearance as a goddess is significantly different from her normal appearance. Personally, I realized that she was the goddess purely by inferring (and by the fact that there really is only one female lead in this), but it isn't explicitly shown or stated until later. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR (t • c) 19:40, 12 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "When Kagura returns home, she discovers her mother having sex with her teacher in her room." - What does it matter in which room they're doing it?
  • "Suitengu makes Kagura fall asleep and return to her form as the Club's goddess." - How are these actions accomplished?
  • "his wounds oddly heal" - What is "odd" about his wounds healing?
  • "When he finally is able to pause to rest, he discovers that the camera has not changed: he has." - What makes him realize that?
  • "However, Saiga unearths information about Suitengu and the Roppongi Club at the same time." - Is he unearthing information about those two at the same time or is he unearthing information at the same time as "Suitengu and his men discover the identity of Saiga and begin to track him down"? And how is the time he does it relevant in the first place?
  • "Under the billboard bearing Saiga's famed photo, Kagura and Saiga reunite." - What billboard bearing what famed photo of his? Perhaps you mean: "Under a billboard bearing a famed photo of Saiga's, Kagura and Saiga reunite."

Oppose, as I can't get past a single summary without finding these kinds of prose issues and I haven't even read past ep4. -- Goodraise (talk) 14:30, 12 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • I don't see why most of these points need to be clarified, barring the important ones, like Kagura's "goddess" status. I just restated what happened, but I'm really in no place to explain why, nor do I feel it is necessary in an episode summary. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR (t • c) 19:40, 12 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose from Dabomb87 (talk · contribs) The writing needs work, and I'm not even referring to grammar or conciseness. My main concern is that readers will find it hard to follow what is going on. Find someone who has never read the article. Ask them to look at the it and identify/fix the ambiguities.

  • "into both a manga and a light novel."
  • "Funimation released Speed Grapher to Region 1 as six DVD compilations" "as"-->in.
  • "box set containing "-->box set that contains
  • "The series aired between March 7 and August 15, 2008 for viewers in the United States." Understood.
  • The first summary needs reorganization. The writing isn't bad on the clause level, but the sequence of events is poorly presented and readers will be utterly confused. Here are some of the issues:
    • "Tatsumi Saiga, a former war photographer, has been photographing politicians to survive." Is there a reason why photographing politicians would enable him to survive? Many readers, including me, will take the "to survive" phrase literally. Is it supposed to be that way?
    • Then, all of a sudden, after background on Saiga, we have "Katsuya Shirogane, a dancer, breaks a girl's arm for being stiff." What?
      • You know, I blame this entirely on the fragmented nature of the episodes themselves. I will be needing a bit of time to fix this issue as I need to rethink the way these episodes are written. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR (t • c) 21:57, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Even more confusing is what comes next: "A policewoman gets Saiga out of jail." When did he land in jail in the first place? Why?
      • I don't actually know. He is never seen being thrown in jail. A scene after the dancer, we see him in jail with no explanation, so I don't exactly know how to fix this. I gather that he was thrown in jail for taking pictures of a politician, but that's a bit WP:OR and I'd err on the side of caution here. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR (t • c) 21:57, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Saiga manages to make his way into the club while pursuing a Diet member. At the center of a ritual, he manages to photograph the club's "goddess." Logical punctuation, the quotation marks should be inside the period. The repetition of "manages to" is annoying, especially since it's not really necessary in either instance.
    • "furious at his club has been discovered" You mean "that", not "at".
    • "Suitengu, furious at his club has been discovered, orders that Saiga be captured and killed, but the "goddess" kisses him before Saiga is beheaded, causing a strange reaction in his body. " Don't leave readers hanging. What does happen to Saiga? Dabomb87 (talk) 21:35, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

In any event, I withdraw this nomination. This clearly needs more time and a few more eyes before it even has hope of passing. I need to spend some time and reframe this entire episode list, as the ideas and concepts behind the series are truly quite strange for those who have not watched it. Thanks for the comments, and apologies for the premature nomination. Further comments can either be dropped at my talk page or at the talk page of the list. ɳOCTURNEɳOIR (t • c) 19:40, 12 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • Closing note: This candidate has been withdrawn, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FLC/ar, and leave the {{featured list candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through.
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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