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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 4 July 2019 [1].

Go Vacation

[edit]
Nominator(s): TheAwesomeHwyh (talk) 19:24, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Go Vacation is a personal favorite of mine. Despite its mixed reviews, I find it to be a quite enjoyable game; in it, you get to explore several colorful resorts filled with several minigammes (of wildly varying quality I might add). You're also able to decorate a villa Animal Crossing style, but I never really spent much time doing that. It also got a pretty low-effort Switch port lately, which actualy got rid of the sword fighting minigame, one of my favorites. I personally started editing this article in June 2018, and its taken up most of my time on Wikipedia. TheAwesomeHwyh (talk) 19:24, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

  • Three quick passing comments: See WP:LQ and sort out the placement of closing quote marks in line with the guidelines (there are too may ." that should be ".) And the date formats are mixed - they should be consistent. Finally, there are too many SHOUTY CAPS in the refs section. I'll see if I have time to do a full review shortly. - SchroCat (talk) 19:31, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Going to start working on that stuff now. Thanks! TheAwesomeHwyh (talk) 19:52, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I've fixed the date formating issues, and I think I got all the logical quotation stuff done. I'M NOT SURE WHERE YOUR SEEING THE "SHOUTY" CAPS THOUGH, I CAN'T FIND THEM ANYWHERE. I SEE NO SCREAMING IN THE ARTICLE OR ON THIS PAGE WHATSOEVER. TheAwesomeHwyh (talk) 20:29, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
See FNs 22, 28, 29 and 31 – there may be others too. - SchroCat (talk) 21:28, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
​Done- I wasn't aware that was a policy (could you link the relevant one?). Also, what does "FN" stand for? TheAwesomeHwyh (talk) 21:58, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
The guideline is at MOS:ALLCAPS. "FN" is footnote. Cheers - SchroCat (talk) 22:45, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, thanks. TheAwesomeHwyh 02:43, 23 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
​Also, sorry if my signature changes a lot on this page- I've begun experimenting with changing it. TheAwesomeHwyh 02:53, 23 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose from JM

[edit]

I had a SNES and a Gameboy Colour, but I've been an Xbox person since the early 2000s, so I've never played this. Happy to take a look, though.

  • Your explanatory notes aren't really "references"; they should probably be in a separate section.
  1.  Comment: Good point, I have moved those. TheAwesomeHwyh 21:19, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • You mention the villa twice in the first paragraph.
  1.  Comment: No clue how I missed that- fixed. TheAwesomeHwyh 21:25, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "to be engaging with players" What does this mean? for players, surely?
  1.  Comment: Fixed. TheAwesomeHwyh 21:24, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Minigame or mini game? I don't mind, but be consistent!
  1.  Comment: Changed to just be Minigame now. TheAwesomeHwyh 21:39, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "that had players vote" How can they be players if the game wasn't even developed?
  1.  Comment: Good point, fixed. TheAwesomeHwyh 21:04, 2 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The resort the game takes place in was inspired by Hawaii" I thought there were four resorts? (Also, perhaps in which the game takes place? Or simply "the game's setting"?
  1.  Comment: Good catch, I have reworded that sentence, because only the Marine Resort was inspired by Hawaii. TheAwesomeHwyh 21:23, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Do you port over?
  1.  Comment: Not sure what you mean- but if you're asking if it's grammatically correct, then I believe so. TheAwesomeHwyh 17:53, 1 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It was ported over to the Nintendo Switch in 2018, adding new minigames and correcting problems presented in the original." Unclear sentence; who or what is doing the "adding"?
  1.  Comment: Clarify that Namco Bandai was the one adding new features. TheAwesomeHwyh 21:36, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think there's something a little odd about talking about a 2018 port and then following this with 2011 sales figures, but maybe that's just me.
  1.  Comment: I agree, I have moved that sentence. TheAwesomeHwyh 21:00, 2 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • You're inconsistent on your use of the serial comma. I don't want to make a decision either way for you, but you should aim for consistency!
  1.  Comment: I am currently going through the article to use it, thanks. TheAwesomeHwyh 21:49, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Marine bike races, the very first minigame that players play takes place in the Marine Resort." This is not a complete sentence.

Beware comma splices ("The Mountain Resort is the final resort that players gain access to, it focuses on outdoor" - I've fixed this one); I also saw an apostrophe error. I think this article requires a thorough copyedit. I'm off now, but I'll hopefully be back later. Josh Milburn (talk) 13:43, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Players are also able to decorate their villas with any photos they may have taken during the game." Presumably, that's only in the Switch version?
  1.  Comment: I believe you can do that in both versions- its just that the Switch version added animals for you to photograph. TheAwesomeHwyh 00:15, 2 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The game's title to convey to the player that this was to be a game where one would "want to spend time in". Additionally, according to Kenya Kobayashi the games producer, the team of the game believed that outside of Japan the word "vacation" had no connotations of activity, so the team added the word "Go" to the beginning of the name in a attempt to convey activity." This is poor writing, and exactly the sort of thing that should have been picked up in a copyedit. I've made some tweaks, but this section really needs rewriting.
  1.  Comment: I'm not quite sure what the problem with that sentence is, do you think you could elaborate? TheAwesomeHwyh 21:08, 2 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "While no areas in the game were directly based on any real-world location, parts of the Marine Resort are inspired by Hawaii" This doesn't match what is suggested in the lead, where it sounds like the whole thing was based on Hawaii.
  1.  Comment: Addressed above. TheAwesomeHwyh 21:35, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'm really struggling to follow the paragraph on the soundtrack.
  1.  Comment: Which paragraph do you mean? The one on the soundtrack itself, or the one on what reviewers thought of it? TheAwesomeHwyh 17:25, 1 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    The one in the development section. Josh Milburn (talk) 17:04, 2 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is this the only development information you have? It feels very light for an FA. Naturally, a lot of the information may be available in Japanese rather than English.
  1.  Comment: That information was all I could find- keep in mind that this game wasn't too popular, so most of the info online is pretty surface-level, not much in-depth information besides this article itself. I mostly only looked for English, Japanese, and French sources though, so there might be others not in those languages. TheAwesomeHwyh 21:27, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Could I recommend against inline links to foreign language Wikipedias? If the subject is notable, include a redlink; if not, don't link at all.
  1.  Comment: I don't see any links to foreign language Wikipedias? TheAwesomeHwyh 00:17, 2 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    I can't see it now; that must have been my mistake. Josh Milburn (talk) 17:03, 2 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "took issue with the game's skydiving minigame due to his opinion that is relatively simple compared to the game's other minigames" Is this important?
  1.  Comment: Not really- removed. TheAwesomeHwyh 17:29, 1 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "called the music's vocals" What music? Is he definitely talking about music from this game? I find this whole sentence very difficult to follow.
  1.  Comment: Yeah, he is. I have rewritten that paragraph to make that clear. Is there any other concerns you have with that paragraph? TheAwesomeHwyh 17:24, 1 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Several would praise the customizable villas" Why that tense?
  1.  Comment: No clue why it was written like that- reworded. TheAwesomeHwyh 17:20, 1 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Do you need the {{clear}}s?
  1.  Comment: I think that was just left over from older, smaller versions of the article, so I have removed it. (Also, I could only find one of them in the article text... are there multiple? Control F brings up nothing besides the one I removed.) TheAwesomeHwyh 21:31, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Go Vacation sold 47,209 copies in its first week on sale in Japan and becoming the third best-selling game during the time" What does this mean?
  1.  Comment: I have rewritten that sentence to make it more clear that it was the third best selling game in Japan during its first week on the market. TheAwesomeHwyh 17:56, 1 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Macross F: The Wings of Goodbye Hybrid Pack" Is this notable? Don't be scared of redlinks!
  1.  Comment: Not sure what your asking here- do you want me to remove that game from the article, or do you want me to add a redlink? TheAwesomeHwyh 21:06, 2 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  1.  Comment: I have expanded the rationale, and will address the bitrate, length, and if we even need them at all later. TheAwesomeHwyh 21:38, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  1.  Comment: Starry Ocean seems to be almost exactly 10 percent, but I can't find any full length rips of Malasada break online to compare the full length of the song to the sample on the article. TheAwesomeHwyh 00:27, 2 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  1.  Comment: I have reduced the bitrate on both songs. TheAwesomeHwyh 00:38, 2 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  1.  Comment: Thinking about it more- I don't think the samples are needed, so I have removed them. TheAwesomeHwyh 20:59, 2 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose. Sorry. This feels around the right area for a GA, but it feels a little underdeveloped for FA, and the quality of the writing is too low. I've made some fixes, and identified some problems above, but there will be others. I've not looked at the sourcing. Josh Milburn (talk) 15:07, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

  1.  Comment: I am going to start addressing these concerns now. TheAwesomeHwyh 21:15, 30 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  1.  Comment:​ Alright, I think I have addressed your concerns (or at least asked for more clarification on the ones I didn't understand), do you have any others? TheAwesomeHwyh 22:16, 2 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

(←) I commend you for putting the time into making these fixes, but I think my oppose is going to have to stand at least until you've had an outside copyedit, and possibly longer given my concerns about the development section. I don't really want to get drawn into identifying every single problem, but here are a few passages that really don't feel up to snuff:

  • "According to Kenya Kobayashi the game's producer, the production team believed that, outside of Japan, vacation had no connotations of activity, so the team added Go to the beginning of the name."
  • "n 21 December 2012, Japanese record label Sweep Records released the officially licensed album of songs containing live instrumentation and vocals, Namco Music Saloon.[2] This album and aspect of the game's soundtrack consists of original arrangements of songs from other Bandai Namco Entertainment titles including Ridge Racer, Dig Dug, Pac-Man, New Rally-X, and Kotoba no Puzzle: Mojipittan.[2] The game was soon released onto iTunes on 23 March 2013."
  • Repetition of "resort" and "minigame" in the gameplay section.
  • "Marine bike races, the very first minigame that players play takes place in the Marine Resort."
  • "The City Resort is the second and smallest resort and focuses on extreme and leisure sports and hosts games such as table hockey, pie-throwing, skating, mini golf, and others" Five ands in one sentence!
  • Repetition of "decorate" in the final paragraph of the gameplay section.

To reiterate, this isn't supposed to be comprehensive, and I don't feel it's the role of the reviewer to identify every writing problem in an article like this. In short, you need at least one fresh pair of eyes on the article to really smooth out the prose - this isn't just a matter of adding a few apostrophes and commas. And if you're certain there's no more information available on the development, then it may be worth thinking about whether this is something that can realistically be brought to FA status at this time, though others may disagree with me on that. I hope this isn't discouraging; that certainly is not my intention. Josh Milburn (talk) 16:34, 3 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, thank you. I will start a outside copyedit now and do the fixes you mentioned. Also, is it possible to end a FAC? I agree with you that it's not ready. TheAwesomeHwyh 17:27, 3 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
@FAC coordinators: Please see the above. TheAwesomeHwyh: Best of luck with the developments! Again, please don't be disheartened! Josh Milburn (talk) 18:47, 3 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Tks guys, I can close later today. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 04:54, 4 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I'm going to close this as "withdrawn"; you're welcome to re-nominate it (or any other article) at FAC after a minimum of two weeks has passed. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 12:34, 4 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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