Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Daniel Radcliffe/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Gimmetoo 18:33, 12 November 2011 [1].

Daniel Radcliffe

Featured article candidates/Daniel Radcliffe/archive1

Nominator(s): MG70 (talk) 14:49, 30 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because I believe it meets the criteria. This just went through a peer review and was copyedited. Thank you. MG70 (talk) 14:49, 30 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: "Radcliffe has stated he is an atheist, and that he is "very proud of being Jewish.""This sentence confuses me. He's either atheist or jewish, not both. I think it hould be reworded along the lines of "Radcliffe is stated that he is an atheist, but that he is very proud of his Jewish heritage". Just a thought --Thanks, Hadseys 15:47, 30 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
- Fixed. MG70 (talk) 17:06, 30 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:29, 30 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Ellipses should generally not be bracketed
Be consistent in what is wikilinked when
FN 9: what kind of source is this?
What makes http://www.moviesonline.ca/ a high-quality reliable source? http://www.the-numbers.com? http://www.rottentomatoes.com? http://www.boxofficemojo.com? http://blog.moviefone.com? http://www.contactmusic.com?
Be consistent in whether publishers are provided for magazines/newspapers or not, and if so how these are formatted
Check for consistency in italicization
FN 18: page(s)?
Title capitalization should be normalized - no all-caps
Include sources for all opinions, for example "The film explored romantic elements, and included more humour than the pevious film in the series"
Be consistent in how websites are notated
FN 41: page(s)? Print sources need page numbers
FN 59: URL?
Be consistent in whether you provide locations for newspapers, and if so how these are formatted
FN 75: URL?
FN 93: what kind of source is this?
Check formatting of quotes within quotes
Check for naming consistency - for example, The New York Times, not New York Times
FN 108: what kind of source is this?

Oppose - sorry, but there's just too many problems here. Also, while this was not the focus of my review, I note that further editing is need for both prose and MOS compliance. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:29, 30 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose

"Radcliffe was educated at independent schools for boys": the source says he went to private schools, but not that they were for boys (as opposed to mixed sex).
"he did achieve A grades in the three Advanced Levels that he sat in 2006, but then decided to take a break from education and did not go to college or university": In the UK, colleges and university are not the same (college is where you study for A-levels). I'd drop "college" here per WP:ENGVAR. More importantly, the source given (Vineyard, Jennifer (10 July 2007). "'Harry Potter' Star Daniel Radcliffe Gets Leather-y In Racy Photo Spread". MTV. Retrieved 27 May 2011.) does not mention A-levels or Radcliffe's grades.
"Rex Reed said: "Frankly, I’m sorry to see [Radcliffe] go";[48] while Rolling Stone critic Peter Travers commented on Radcliffe: "Well played, sir."[49]": These quotes seem lacking in substance, telling readers little about how Radcliffe performed.
"Set in 1970, it follows a man (Radcliffe) who discovers his calling after being drafted by the residents of a small England mill town to serve as a photographer for their most personal moments": is worryingly close to "The 1970-set tale follows a young man who discovers his artistic calling after being drafted by the denizens of a sleepy little New England mill town to serve as photographer of their most intimate moments" from this source.
"Radcliffe has stated he is an atheist, and that he is "very proud of being Jewish."[86][87][88]": why does this statement take three references? The link to The Guardian article contains a statement from Radcliffe saying "I'm an atheist, but I'm very proud of being Jewish", that should be enough so get rid of the other two.
"The motor skill disorder sometimes gets so bad that he has trouble doing simple activities, such as writing or tying his own shoelaces": that statement from the article looks a bit too close to "Radcliffe said the motor skill disorder sometimes gets so bad that he has trouble completing simple tasks, such as tying his shoes or writing a thank you note" from this source. Also, when was he diagnosed with dyspraxia?
"Radcliffe is a supporter of the Liberal Democrats": what makes a blog on moviephone.com a reliable source? I'd recommend using this BBC news story instead. Also, political opinions change, it's not like supporting a football team so I'd tweak the statement to "In 2009 Radcliffe stated that he supported the Liberal Democrats".
"At the age of 16, Radcliffe became the youngest non-royal ever to have an individual portrait in Britain's National Portrait Gallery": what the source actually says is "With the exception of members of the Royal Family and group portraits with babies mostly in photographs, the 16-year-old actor becomes one of the youngest sitters for an individual portrait in the National Portrait Gallery" (own emphasis added).
What does it matter that Radcliffe is a fan of Sachin Tendulkar?
There is some inconsistency in the way references are formatted: sometimes all-caps titles are used.

The above is not a comprehensive list, but more a sample of the article's problems. Nev1 (talk) 16:41, 30 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose - sorry. There are so many problems here. The article suffers from proseline and many of the sentences lack logical flow, "Radcliffe took on the lead role as Alan Strang, a stable boy who has an obsession with horses, at the Gielgud Theatre". The name of the theatre belongs in the previous sentence. This is just one example. There are periods in image legends and other WP:MOS problems. The nomination is premature and should be withdrawn. The article lacks the FA sparkle. Graham Colm (talk) 17:39, 30 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.