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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 02:22, 13 October 2008 [1].

Congregation Beth Elohim

[edit]
Nominator(s): Jayjg (talk)


I'm nominating this article for featured article because it is an extensively researched account of the history of a Brooklyn congregation. The article recently achieved GA status, and has been significantly improved since then. Jayjg (talk) 01:22, 3 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Tentative supportTony (talk) 01:59, 13 October 2008 (UTC); I've read only the top part, and found a few things that need explication. Please write for non-experts.[reply]
  • Comma after the closing quotation marks (name).
  • I'm distant from the topic, but the early objections to "practice" and the issue of reforming them sounds interesting. Perhaps it's too detailed to go into it, though. But other details seem not as important (someone was paid $150 a year, someone else $75 a year?).
  • "Men and women sat together"—please write for non-experts. We're left to presume that this is unusual or undesirable under normal circumstances ... (at the time?)
  • "Moderate reform services"—Now I want even more to know about this.
  • "New accommodations"—a little precious; why not "a new building/location"? Does "accommodations" come from the source? If so, it's an ideal opportunity to avoid duplication. Tony (talk) 10:29, 3 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Thanks for your helpful comments. Regarding them:
      • Comma fixed.
      • The sources aren't really specific about which practices they wished to reform, but in general the kinds of changes congregations were making at the time were a result of the Reform movement in Judaism, and I've now linked the term to that article. Regarding the salaries, I thought they added some interesting color regarding salaries at that time; $6.25 or $12.50/month sounds like very little to today's ears. Also, it might be helpful for those with more knowledge to compare to other salaries at the time.
      • I've now added a phrase and link to the article regarding the traditional separation of mean and women in Jewish services.
      • Again, the source doesn't explain, but the link I've added to the previous mention should help.
      • I've re-worded per your concerns. Jayjg (talk) 03:51, 5 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • Is there an organizational principle in the references? I'd really rather see them alphabatized by the first part of the ref, so that folks can find things. Right now, if there isn't an author, it's hard to figure out where to look for the full reference.
  • Per the MOS, you need to put the link titles in the references in upper and lower case, there are a few that have parts in all upper.
Otherwise sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Note the link checker tool is showing some pages as a soft deadlink, but they worked fine with clicking on them. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:37, 3 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for taking a look. Regarding the references, I've re-organized them, with helpful headings, and made them essentially alphabetical; what do you think? I'm open to other suggestions. Also, I've fixed the link titles. Jayjg (talk) 03:51, 5 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
That works fine. At least the reader can now find the references easier with the subheadings. (It's not the way I would have done it, but it works for the reader and they should be able to figure it out so all is good!) Looks good, you're all done! Ealdgyth - Talk 03:55, 5 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments from Kablammo:
Lede:
  • "currently located at". Why not just “located at”?
  • "attempted four failed mergers". It makes it sound like the congregation was attempting failure in mergers. Can this be rephrased?
  • "currently the largest". As above. This may not age well.
Early years:
  • "$150/year". Use prose, as you did later on in paragraph.
  • "the congregation became known as the ‘Pearl street synagogue’". Check caps here.
  • On the events of 1882–83, you mention in successive paragraphs that only heads of household were members. Are both mentions needed?
State Street:
  • Second paragraph, first sentence-- I suggest last clause be changed to "Sparger moved there in 1891", or else recast the sentence. Then clarify which “congregation” is meant in the following sentence.
1909-1929
  • Second paragraph: "was 'doomed': in his words," seems oddly punctuated. Replace the colon with a full stop, and make the next part "As Lyons said at the time:", or some similar construct.
  • Fourth paragraph: "and in 1928[2]–1929"— the distracting footnote could go at the end of the sentence.
  • Last paragraph of section, last sentence: Maybe split this into two, and clarify what the members were resigning from—the committee or the congregation?
1930s
  • Second paragraph, first sentence—why not split this into two at the colon?
WWII
  • First sentence, fifth clause— "by then" seems unnecessary as the time is clear.
In general, the article would not be harmed and probably would be improved by splitting some of the multiple-clause sentences into shorter declarative sentences. That may be a matter of personal preference, but there seem to be a lot of colons and semicolons in the article.
These comments are suggestions, and not an Oppose. Kablammo (talk) 01:54, 4 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for your very thorough review. Regarding your comments, in order:
Lede:
  • "currently located at". Why not just “located at”? I used "currently located at" because this is its fourth location, but I've now removed the word "currently", since it's been at its "current" location for almost 100 years.
  • "attempted four failed mergers". It makes it sound like the congregation was attempting failure in mergers. Can this be rephrased? Good point. I've rephrased it to avoid the misleading implication.
  • "currently the largest". As above. This may not age well. Yes. Re-worded to avoid aging issues.
Early years:
  • "$150/year". Use prose, as you did later on in paragraph. Fixed.
  • "the congregation became known as the ‘Pearl street synagogue’". Check caps here. Yeah, I didn't like it either, but it's a direct quote, and I was reluctant to change it.
  • On the events of 1882–83, you mention in successive paragraphs that only heads of household were members. Are both mentions needed? Good point, missed that, fixed now.
State Street:
  • Second paragraph, first sentence-- I suggest last clause be changed to "Sparger moved there in 1891", or else recast the sentence. Then clarify which “congregation” is meant in the following sentence. Good point, done.
1909-1929
  • Second paragraph: "was 'doomed': in his words," seems oddly punctuated. Replace the colon with a full stop, and make the next part "As Lyons said at the time:", or some similar construct. Fixed.
  • Fourth paragraph: "and in 1928[2]–1929"— the distracting footnote could go at the end of the sentence. Fixed.
  • Last paragraph of section, last sentence: Maybe split this into two, and clarify what the members were resigning from—the committee or the congregation? Thanks, I have clarified.
1930s
  • Second paragraph, first sentence—why not split this into two at the colon? Because it's an example, backing up the claim made in the first clause of the sentence.
WWII
  • First sentence, fifth clause— "by then" seems unnecessary as the time is clear. Good point, removed.
In general, the article would not be harmed and probably would be improved by splitting some of the multiple-clause sentences into shorter declarative sentences. That may be a matter of personal preference, but there seem to be a lot of colons and semicolons in the article. I like semi-colons and colons; they make writing more interesting, and help tie thoughts together. :-)
--Jayjg (talk) 03:51, 5 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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