Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Can't Get You Out of My Head/archive2

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Laser brain via FACBot (talk) 13 October 2020 [1].

Can't Get You Out of My Head

Nominator(s): — Tom^(T2ME) 17:05, 8 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about... the 2001 single by Kylie Minogue. After the first failed FAC, I opened a review, where the user who was concerned with the prose laid over his opinions and the prose was significantly changed and improved. I believe that the article is ready for the bronze star now. — Tom^(T2ME) 17:05, 8 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Graham Beards

I don't think this is quite ready. There is some awkward prose.

Here "Lyrically, it discusses Minogue's obsession with her love interest" - discusses doesn't sound right and it's not really about Kylie.
I had to read this three times "the session started off by Davis generating a 125 bpm drum loop on the programme Cubasemusic equipped with an acoustic guitar" does it mean using a computer programme? And what's the significance of the guitar?
Here ""Can't Get You Out of My Head" has a length of three minutes and fifty seconds." Why not say it's three minutes fifty five seconds long?
Here "The whole song, including Minogue's vocals" the song wouldn't be whole without the vocals.
This is jargon "programmed using a Korg Triton workstation via MIDI", at the least it needs an indefinite article.

Can you please elaborate here? I am not sure where the indefinite article is needed. — Tom^(T2ME) 18:22, 8 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

MIDI is an interface, so you need "a MIDI" and perhaps link it? Graham Beards (talk) 19:14, 8 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Oh, I see. Done and done. :) — Tom^(T2ME) 19:23, 8 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

This is pompous "Adams praised its natural flow and deemed it an epitome for a song programmed by a computer." When we use "epitome", which is rarely, we say "the epitome". Why not just quote Adams here? "If you could program a computer to formulate the perfect pop song, it would sound like this." - Graham Beards (talk) 17:48, 8 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Graham Beards, thank you for the comments. I tried to re-word the awkward prose. Please, check it out when you have the time. — Tom^(T2ME) 18:22, 8 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I think the changes you have made are an improvement. If I have anything to add I will do so later. Graham Beards (talk) 19:31, 8 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Awesome! Thanks for the suggestions again. — Tom^(T2ME) 20:07, 8 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Lee Vilenski

I may end up claiming points towards the wikicup. Hope you don't mind! :P|

I'll take a look at this article, and give some comments on how it meets the FA criteria in a little while. If you fancy doing some QPQ, I have a list of items that can be looked at here Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:16, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I just couldn't get this FAC out of my head.

Haha, love the pun!

lede thoughts

album, Fever (2001) - can we just say "in 2001"? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:20, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I think it should stay like this, I feel like removing the brackets and adding in 2011, implies that the song was recorded in 2001, not that Fever was released that year.

ARIA is in brackets, but isn't used again in the lede. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:20, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
As of 2018, it had sold over five million copies worldwide. - has sold Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:20, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
It was released through Parlophone - reads weird, as if Parlophone was a disribution network, and not a record label. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:30, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

prose

What's an A&B? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:30, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

That was a typo. Changed it to A&R and linked it. — Tom^(T2ME) 21:52, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Say where Surrey is Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:30, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
ingénue pipes to a redirect back to the target. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:30, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Second para in Commercial performance could probably be done better either using WP:BUNDLING or as a note. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:30, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

This is a good idea, but I don't really know how to organize it. Any suggestions? — Tom^(T2ME) 21:52, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Should probably link/explain platinum on first usage. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:30, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Australian Recording Industry Association (ARIA) - but ARIA is mentioned above this. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:30, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
British Phonographic Industry (BPI) - aside from the table, this acronym is not used in prose.Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:30, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
same for RIAA Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:30, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
neckline.[60][63][64][65] - WP:CITEKILL Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:30, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
One link is to Amazon, is there not a better source for this? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:30, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Well, it is only used for the track listing in the formats. Since, it's an older song, it's the only available digital retailer that has the EP. Anyways, Lee Vilenski, thanks for the comments. I believe I resolved most of them and also responded to some specific ones. — Tom^(T2ME) 21:52, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose And suggest withdrawal to obtain an independent copyedit. As Graham Beards indicated, the prose is not ready for FAC, and listing the prose issues would be quite lengthy. I offer this example:

The song is about an obsession with whom The Guardian's Dorian Lansky described as "mystery" as she never reveals the identity of the object of her infatuation and suggested that the person could be "a partner, an evasive one-night stand or someone who doesn't know she exists".[13]

Similarly awkward and ungrammatical prose is throughout. Also, see WP:RECEPTION. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 04:47, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Coordinator comment - The prose appears to need work before this is ready and I see an independent copyedit has been requested. This is best done outside of the FAC process. Therefore, I will be archiving it shortly and it may be re-nominated after the customary two-week waiting period. In the mean time, please action feedback as appropriate. --Laser brain (talk) 14:42, 13 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Closing note: This candidate has been archived, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FAC/ar, and leave the {{featured article candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through. --Laser brain (talk) 14:42, 13 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.