Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/CSS General Earl Van Dorn/archive1

CSS General Earl Van Dorn

Featured article candidates/CSS General Earl Van Dorn/archive1

Nominator(s): Hog Farm _Talk 23:48, 30 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I've taken an ironclad (CSS Baltic and a tinclad (USS Marmora to FAC successfully, so here goes another type of American Civil War ship: the cottonclad (the timberclads will have to wait). The cottonclads were a Confederate invention out of desparation - while the Union was churning out City-class ironclads in late 1861 and early 1862, the almost pre-industrial Confederacy had difficulty keeping up. Instead, the Confederates decided to harken back to the ancient tactic of naval rams - they modified civilian river steamers for ramming, and protected the most important machinery with compressed cotton, which the blockaded South had out the wazoo. The idea worked once, at the Battle of Plum Point Bend (which I brought to FAC) but failed spectacularly at the First Battle of Memphis where Van Dorn was the only one of eight cottonclads to escape destruction or capture. Taken up the Yazoo River, General Earl Van Dorn was burned under orders of a panicked Confederate officer later in the year. Hog Farm _Talk 23:48, 30 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

Suggest adding alt text

File:Memphis-naval-battle.jpg: second source link is dead and a US tag is missing. Nikkimaria (talk) 02:04, 31 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
- I've replaced both source links with what I think is a preferable link to the original Harper's Weekly publication. I've also added the relevant US tag and have cleaned up the file description, which contained some inaccurate information from what I think is likely old OR/guesswork by another editor (this has also necessitated an image swap at CSS General M. Jeff Thompson). I'll try to add alt text tomorrow. Hog Farm _Talk 02:56, 31 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  - I have added the alt text. Hog Farm _Talk 04:23, 4 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

History6042 comments

"warships involved adding 1 inch (2.5 cm) of iron plating" -> "warships involved the addition of 1 inch (2.5 cm) of iron plating". History6042😊 (Contact me) 13:29, 3 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
- Done. Hog Farm _Talk 22:29, 4 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
"arranged in order of speed with" -> "arranged in order of speed, with". History6042😊 (Contact me) 13:29, 3 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
- Done. Hog Farm _Talk 22:29, 4 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
"On June 26, Monarch and the ram" -> "On June 26, the Monarch and the ram" History6042😊 (Contact me) 13:29, 3 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
- @History6042: - thanks for the review! I don't remember where I encountered this, or what the policy is, but I was informed several years ago when I first started writing articles that it is best not to use "the" before individual ship names. So "the cottonclad General Earl Van Dorn" would be okay, but not "the General Earl Van Dorn". I'll look to see if I can figure out where that came from, or if that's actually part of the MOS. Hog Farm _Talk 22:29, 4 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
  Ah, I did not know that, if your right go ahead and ignore that suggestion. Thanks for letting me know. History6042😊 (Contact me) 22:31, 4 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
  - I'm going to leave a message at WT:SHIPS to see if that actually is a MOS styling. Hog Farm _Talk 22:36, 4 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
    I found it Wikipedia:Naming_conventions_(ships)#Using_ship_names_in_articles. History6042😊 (Contact me) 23:01, 4 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
That's all I've got. History6042😊 (Contact me) 13:29, 3 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

I've got more now. History6042😊 (Contact me) 14:16, 5 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

"and the ramming tactics of the United States Ram Fleet was decisive" -> "and the ramming tactics of the United States Ram Fleet were decisive" There are multiple tactics so "were" should be used not "was". History6042😊 (Contact me) 14:16, 5 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
- Done. Hog Farm _Talk 02:27, 7 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
"the Siege of Corinth ended in a Confederate defeat," -> "the Siege of Corinth ended in their defeat," It is already mentioned that it is talking about the Confederates earlier in the sentence so its fine to use a pronoun. History6042😊 (Contact me) 14:16, 5 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
- I've gone with another phrasing that I think is simpler Hog Farm _Talk 02:27, 7 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Support from Gog the Mild

Recusing to review.

Given that cottonclad redirects to cottonclad warship, perhaps "cottonclad warship" should be Wikilinked in the first place?
- I've changed the linking so that in the infobox and the first instance in the lead and body, this is presented as "cottonclad warship". Hog Farm _Talk 22:48, 4 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
"by installing an iron-covered framework of timbers to her bow". In BrEng one can't (grammatically) install something to something. 'attaching'? Or maybe "to" → 'at'.
- Have gone with "on", which works for AmEng. Hog Farm _Talk 00:50, 5 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
"a single 32-pounder cannon on the bow." "on" rather than 'at'?
- That's the phrasing found in the source. Hog Farm _Talk 00:50, 5 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
"the upper Confederate-held portion of the Mississippi River". "upper" doesn't really make sense at this point in the sentence. Is it needed at all? You manage without it in the main article.
- I've tried to rephrase this a bit. In the body, it's a bit different. The cottonclads were designed for defense of the various parts of the Mississippi River, but General Earl Van Dorn was assigned to defend only a part of this. The body gets into this, but in a different manner - it's the distinction between the ship being in the Kentucky/Tennessee/Missouri area vs. New Orleans. I think this is necessary because the Confederates were fighting what amounted to a two-front war on the Mississippi at this time. Hog Farm _Talk 22:48, 4 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
Optional: break the lead paragraph between "bow." and "Having"?
- Done. Hog Farm _Talk 00:50, 5 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
"General Earl Van Dorn was armed with a single 32-pounder cannon on her bow,[15] which was a common naval gun that was smoothbore and muzzleloading." This would seem to fit more naturally into the previous paragraph onj the conversion to military use. And any further information on the gun? Rate of fire, range, solid shot or explosive, could it fire any anti-personal ordinance, etc?
- I've moved this to the end of the material discussing the alterations made to the cottonclads, as adding this cannon would be one of those installations. Unfortunately, there's not any real information on the specifics of the gun assigned to this vessel. The 32-pounders of this time were a very generic naval cannon; this is more of a class of gun than a specific model of one. Hog Farm _Talk 00:50, 5 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

More to follow. Gog the Mild (talk) 22:29, 3 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

"The purchases occurred at New Orleans, Louisiana." looks like an afterthought. Is it possible to include it more naturally?
- Through some citation moving around, I've worked this into the first sentence of the section discussing the purchases. Hog Farm _Talk 00:50, 5 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
"Montgomery decided to attack with the eight ships he had at Fort Pillow.[18] On May 10, 1862, the Confederates attacked". "... attack ... attacked ...". Synonym time?
- I've done some sentence restructing to resolve the repetition. Hog Farm _Talk 00:50, 5 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
"The Union ship was struck on her starboard side near the bow and was badly damaged." Delete the second "was"?
- Done. Hog Farm _Talk 00:50, 5 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
"Mound City and the ironclad USS Cincinnati had been sunk but were later salvaged." is it known if either returned to service?
- Yes, I've added a brief statement to this effect. Mound City was the victim of the deadliest shot of the Civil War at the Battle of St. Charles barely a month later, and Cincinnati sunk again a second time at Vicksburg in May 1863, but was refloated again. Hog Farm _Talk 00:50, 5 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
"a log barrier designed to protect the location". It seems a bit convoluted to use "the location" and then state the location later in the same sentence.
- @Gog the Mild: - I've made an attempt at rephrasing this. Is it better now? Hog Farm _Talk 00:50, 5 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Another grand article. Gog the Mild (talk) 22:24, 4 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

TheAstorPastor's comments

at New Orleans, Louisiana → in New Orleans, Louisiana
- I don't know about this one. Is something on the river front actually occurring inside New Orleans? I don't think there's anything wrong with the current phrasing. Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
@Hog Farm It should be changed to "in" because it describes the location where the ship was purchased and outfitted.It should be changed both in the lede and in "Purchase and conversion" The AP (talk) 11:00, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
These constituted the River Defense Fleet, which was commanded by Captain James E. Montgomery. → These became the River Defense Fleet, commanded by Captain James E. Montgomery.
- Done Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
the purchase and conversion of these vessels → purchasing and converting these vessels
- Done Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
She was 182 feet (55 m) long, and had similar dimensions to General Sumter, with a beam of 28 feet 3 inches (8.61 m), and a 10-foot-7-inch (3.23 m) depth of hold. → She measured 182 feet (55 m) in length and had similar dimensions to General Sumter, with a beam of 28 feet 3 inches (8.61 m) and a depth of hold of 10 feet 7 inches (3.23 m).
- Done Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
Major General Mansfield Lovell, held part of the fleet at New Orleans → Major General Mansfield Lovell, retained part of the fleet in the city
- Done Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
her cottonclad conversion was completed by the finishing of the ironwork → her cottonclad conversion was completed with the finishing of the ironwork
- Done Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
add a comma after April 13
- Done Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
had fallen into a pattern of having one mortar boat downriver → had established a pattern of stationing one mortar boat downriver
- Done Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
is known as the Battle of Plum Point Bend → became known as the Battle of Plum Point Bend
- Done Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
starboard side near the bow and badly damaged → starboard side near the bow and severely damaged
- Done Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
The Union fire did little damage → The Union fire caused minimal damage
- Done Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
and one sailor killed → one sailor was killed
- Done Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
she returned the rest of the Confederate fleet → she rejoined the Confederate fleet
- Done Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
the fighting when other Union ironclads arrived on the scene → the engagement when additional Union ironclads arrived on the scene The AP (talk) 18:57, 7 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]
- Done as well. @TheAstorPastor: - Thanks for the review! I've made all of the changes except for the first one, which I'm not necessarily sure is an improvement. Hog Farm _Talk 02:53, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]