Jump to content

Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/British African-Caribbean community

Add links
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

British African-Caribbean community

[edit]

Self nom. I'm nominating this article - an article that I have written the vast majority of with additional excellent help from User:Ackees in the past. It's a large topic covering a number of disparate fields, but I hope it succeeds in my goal of giving decent coverage to a topic area that is under-represented in wikipedia, and the wider media and academia. And most of all I also hope that readers learn some new things from it.--Zleitzen 00:14, 22 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • Weak Object Comprehensive, good structure, and well researched. Some prose problems, though, among other things. Specifically:
    • The British African-Caribbean (Afro-Caribbean) community is a term that refers to... "is a term that" is superfluous. --> "The British African-Caribbean (Afro-Caribbean) community refers to..." OR "The British African-Caribbean (Afro-Caribbean) community comprises..."
    • ...is in reference to groups of residents continuing aspects of Caribbean culture... "continuing" makes that sentence awkward...not sure how to change it though.
    • the largest concentrations are to be found
    • They were then shipped by... ambiguous "they"
    • These communities originally comprised of freed slaves following the abolition of slavery. Uh oh. Incorrect use of "to comprise". Also, the placement of "following the abolition of slavery" would be better at the beginning of the sentence.
    • migrated to North America and to Europe
    • and although a number returned to rejoin the RAF the majority I'd recommend a comma after RAF.
    • I'm not familiar with the term, "deep shelter", which leads me to wonder whether it should be wikilinked, but this could just be my American ignorance.
    • The arrival of the passengers and the image of the Caribbeans filing off its gangplank has become... Can an image become a landmark in history too? Seems weird to me. In any case, "have become" is correct.
    • symbolising the beginning of modern multicultural relations Relations between whom?
    • many new arrivals were to endure intolerance Why not "new arrivals endured"?
    • This was to mark African-Caribbeans relations with the wider community over a long period. Ambiguous "this". Also missing a possessive.
    • and there were riots --> "when riots erupted"
    • Keep commas consistent. For example, there's "In 1998 an area of public open space" and "In 1958, attacks in the London area". I prefer the latter, but that's a stylistic preference. Pick one, and stick with it.
    • At the time, the total population of persons of West Indian heritage. At what time?
    • industrial disputes preceded a period of deep recession and widespread unemployment which was to have a serious effect on the economically less prosperous African-Caribbean community "which was"? Unclear. Does that mean the industrial disputes or widespread unemployment? Also, "to have a serious effect on the economically less prosperous" is pretty wordy. Try "seriously affected the less prosperous".
    • The report was to identify both... Not sure why the "was to"/"were to" phrases keep popping up when they're unnecessary. Why not just "The report identified both..."?
    • The era saw an increase in attacks on all black people by white English people. Heh. "all black people" is probably not the best phrase here. Be more specific. ("all groups of black people"?)
    • all non-indigenous Britons Same problem here.
    • Several media outlets have attempted to blame Did they attempt to blame or just blame? Also, since this was in 2003, wouldn't "media outlets blamed" be better?
    • The next UK Census is due in 2011. Is this necessary?
    • aim to serve African-Caribbean populations, alongside the community in general. What does that mean? They served both, but targeted the African-Caribbeans specifically? Unclear.
    • school leavers --> "graduates" Never mind...just Googled it, and it looks like one of those non-American phrases with which I'm unfamiliar.
    • It its argued that these cumulative practices have helped keep the group at the lower end of the socio-economic spectrum. I'm assuming "It is". If so, it's weaselly.
    • The Food section lacks citations.
    • English being the official language of the former British West Indies meant that --> "Because English was the official language of the former British West Indies"
    • Theatre, film and television needs sources. "Arguably the most influential programme" is weaselly.
    • Probably the biggest African-Caribbean name <-- weaselly. Also, there are more descriptive words than "big" (which is used twice in this sentence).
    • probably the community's best-known journalist <-- weaselly.
    • Third para of Media needs citations. Also, I'd suggest converting the external links in the last para to footnotes for consistency.
    • Just a general question, when is "black" (as used in a racial context) supposed to be capitalized? Is "Black Britons" the equivalent of "African Americans" (which is always capitalized)? I also saw, "Black British" and "Black pupils". Are they capitalized too? Just checking.
    • References mix date formats.
  • That's as far as I got before my eyes started bugging out...never did like reading on the screen. I'll probably finish this later. This is close, in my opinion, but a plethora of little things prevent it from FA status. Gzkn 02:24, 22 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks very much for your attention and feedback. Some great points of help and I will make appropriate amendments. One or two of the sentence structures that you suggest perhaps reflect a cultural difference, the "were to" and "was to" are standard to British summary writing. I think many new arrivals were to endure intolerance reads better to me than many new arrivals endured intolerance, but that's just my opinion. I'm believe Black should be capitalised. A quick point - the image of the Caribbeans filing off its gangplank has become a landmark image in British life [1]. Unfortunately its copywrited :( --Zleitzen 03:04, 22 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
One or two of the sentence structures that you suggest perhaps reflect a cultural difference, the "were to" and "was to" are standard to British summary writing. Ah that would explain things. Feel free to ignore my advice on those sentences then. Gzkn 03:43, 22 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I have made a number of changes based on your excellant recommendations - including a few changes to those sentence structures. I've added wikilinks and corrected the source problems you identified. I have also kept one or two wording issues you identified due to personal preference as discussed above. --Zleitzen 17:55, 22 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Changes look good, and I crossed out the stuff you did change. Should Main article: United Kingdom Census 2001 be Further information: United Kingdom Census 2001? Anyway, I went through the latter half of the article, and here's what I saw:

:* I have another idea about those sentences that I identified as weaselly. Instead of Probably the biggest African-Caribbean... how about "One of the biggest African-Caribbean"? Others, like The most influential programme... and Sir Trevor MacDonald is the community's best-known journalist could be changed similarly ("One of the most influential programmes...", "...one of the community's..."). Just a thought. Might avoid some future disputes. :*Alongside Keith Piper the curator, artist, critic and academic founded the Black Art movement in the late 1970s initially based in the West Midlands. I think this is an incomplete sentence.

  • Might want to stub the three red links in Academia.

:*Few more so than at the sporting level. Incomplete sentence. I happen think that this and the previous sentence could be deleted. :*exciting players. Perhaps "talented" might be a better choice there...worried about possible NPOV. :*Would Brits understand the phrase "in the mail" or "through the mail"? Just wondering if that's more universal than "through the post", as I was confused for a few seconds while reading that.

I've made almost all of the amendments, and struck out those that I have made as you can see. Thanks again for your great suggestions.--Zleitzen 02:52, 23 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I've addressed this oversight by adding a new sourced paragraph and have placed the section in chronological order. Thanks for your advice.--Zleitzen 20:08, 24 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Featured_article_candidates/British_African-Caribbean_community&oldid=870522349"