User talk:Zklee
| This user is a student editor in Wikipedia:Wiki_Ed/UW_Bothell/B_WRIT_135_Research_Writing_(Fall_2017). Student assignments should always be carried out using a course page set up by the instructor. It is usually best to develop assignments in your sandbox. After evaluation, the additions may go on to become a Wikipedia article or be published in an existing article. |
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veganism#Environmental_veganism
One change I would make to this section in the article is in the first sentence of the first paragraph. It would sound more professional if it said something like "Environmental veganism refers to the rejection of the use of animal products on the premise that fishing, hunting, trapping, and farming (particularly factory farming) are unsustainable and harmful to the environment. It would also help to add a citation. One more thing I would probably change is the last paragraph in the section where it talks about animal products generally requiring more resources and causing higher emissions than plant based alternatives. Some relevant facts about resource use and pollution caused by livestock production, as well as some statistical data, would help to prove this point.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Environmental_vegetarianism#Environmental_impact_of_animal_products
The first two sentences in this section leave a bit of confusion as to how much of the total global greenhouse gas emissions can be linked to the raising of livestock and/or production of animal products. It might be helpful to add some information about ways in which GHGs are actually released into the atmosphere from raising livestock and producing, processing, packaging, and transporting animal-based products. The last sentence in the fourth paragraph in this section includes a quote from the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations, which could either be summarized or paraphrased. It basically says that the livestock sector is one of the most significant contributors to some of the most serious environmental problems.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Environmental_impact_of_meat_production
The introductory paragraph fails to define exactly what the environmental impact of meat production is. It should say something along the lines of "The environmental impact of meat production is a general term for the various ways in which the raising of livestock for food purposes affects the natural function of ecosystems on the Earth. Also, in the last sentence of the second introductory paragraph, it says that meat is considered one of the prime factors that is contributing to the sixth mass extinction. What it should say is "the raising of animals for food purposes is considered to be one of the major factors contributing to the sixth mass extinction". This would make much more sense, due to the fact that meat itself cannot contribute to species extinction; that is caused by human exploitation of animals.
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Zklee, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 21:16, 6 December 2017 (UTC)