User talk:Yeon.lee
| This user is a student editor in Ryerson_University/Architectural_Writing_AR8203_ASC751_(Winter_2020) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Yeon.lee, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:59, 12 February 2020 (UTC)
Proofreading
[edit]Hello Tiana,
So I made comments for each section.
=== Intro ===
"Penner was the founding principal for David Penner Architects (DPA). He became a Fellow of RAIC in 2012[2], and was involved in several organizations outside his firm including Storefront Manitoba and Prairie Design Awards Program. His best-known architectural works include Fountain Springs Housing, Buhler Center, Windsor Park Library, and Mere Hotel." has sentences that are a bit disconnected.
Can be rephrased to be
"Penner was the founding principal for David Penner Architects. Throughout his career, he had designed many notable Canadian buildings including Fountain Springs Housing, Buhler Center, Windsor Park Library and Mere Hotel. His works have won many prestigious awards and have established him in Manitoba's architectural realm, granting him core positions in regional design organizations such as Storefront Manitoba and Prarie Design Awards Program".
=== Design Philosophy and Personal Life ===
I like the this part.
=== Career ===
"Before founding his own firm, David Penner was trained as an architect at many architectural firms in Winnipeg."
Can be
Before starting his own firm, David developed his skills through several Winnipeg firms.
Therefore Penner had to learn ways to design affordable architecture, which drove his works to be unconventional and creative, yet with low construction costs. ^You already have "affordable", last phrase is redundant.
"DPA was a small firm, employing only few people at a time, for maximized involvement in the projects."
can be
"DPA was a small firm, employing only few people at a time, for efficiency"
The last few sentences are a bit repetitive and lack variation of structure and sentence length. Maybe connect 1 or 2 of them. There should be a hierarchy of sentences, which goes first ie. Most of DPA projects are located in Manitoba, Canada should come earlier.
=== Other Aspects of Career ===
Under Manitoba Association of Architects:
He was a continuing chair since the founding date.
He's dead though.
=== Notable Projects ===
If possible, can you put in some more photos? The description for Windsor Park Library is strong, but can be tied together by some photos. This goes for the rest of the article.
Good job Tiana!
Ciao. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Calvin.liang.3750 (talk • contribs) 01:37, 28 March 2020 (UTC)