User talk:Yasbey/sandbox

Alexie's peer review

Hi Yasbey! Bravo for you draft! You put a lot of time into it and it shows. Everything is clearly explained. I feel like the Wikipedia's requirements when writing an article are respected since you remain neutral throughout your text. The content is relevant and I feel like everything is well balanced. The sections are also well divided.

Here are some elements that could be improved:

When you mention that " Studies have looked at the effectiveness of chant-therapy on decreasing vocal fatigue in school teachers.", you could try to integrate the findings as it is a really interesting information.
You could try to use a bit more the "links" function to link to other Wikipages such as for "stuttering", "dysprosody", "dysphonia", or "glottis"
Some elements could be added to make the text more obvious for people who know less about voice such as "vibratory pattern of the vocal folds", "glottis (i.e. opening between the vocal folds)".
A section or a sentence that indicates who is qualified to use theses techniques to treat patients could be added.
The procedure section of Symptomatic Voice Therapy could be reworded. The information is relevant but I would make sure it follows the style of your previous paragraphs.

Once again congrats! I learned a lot and thank you for your contribution :) --Axe30 (talk) 15:07, 26 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Alexie! Thank you very much for your suggestions - they are all really great! Yasbey (talk) 20:50, 1 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Erin's peer review

Hey Yasmin!

You've put together a really solid contribution to the voice therapy article, fantastic job. Your tone is neutral and professional throughout, you thoroughly cover the subtopics that you've chosen, and I particularly like that you added information from such a wide range of sources.

Here are a couple of points to think about:

- Just in general, you could take more opportunities to link to other Wikipedia articles as the topics are mentioned -- although it might be best to do that once you know exactly where within the article your contributions will fit, so that you don't link something that has already been mentioned further up the page.

- A small point -- one of your sources seems to be experiencing a technical issue reporting the ISBN.

- I am slightly on the fence about your approach to the 'procedure' subheadings. Wikipedia's Style Manual for Medicine-related articles advises that contributors avoid step-by-step instructions, and at some points the procedure parts veer a bit close to that. A good place to start to avoid that impression might be to just remove reference to the order of the steps involved, and talk about what the procedure covers in more general terms.

- "commonly used" should be hyphenated. Also, is the fact that it's commonly-used in your [1] source? If not, it should be sourced, I think.

- the main targets of accent methods might be a good opportunity for a bulleted list.

- I don't think it's necessary to mention that Gregorian chanting is an extreme case.

- Since you can't report anything from the study about school teachers (since it's original research), you could consider removing the sentence that references it.

Again, good work, and stay excellent! Rileyerine (talk) 20:27, 26 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Erin! Thank you very much for your feedback! I appreciate the time you put into them. Yasbey (talk) 20:50, 1 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Sujin's Peer Review

Hi Yasmin, I like your addition to the article!

You provided important information on two therapy approaches while staying neutral. I also like that you used various types of sources for your article such as journal articles and textbooks. Sections/paragraphs are well divided and also well balanced.

Here are some suggestions for your article:

- Adding hyperlinks for some of the technical terms you used (e.g., Prosodic, glottal attacks) to help readers who are not familiar with voice.

- Adding more details in the last sentence of “Chant Speech” section (e.g., providing a summary of the study) I think it is an interesting application of the therapy, but I am not sure about the findings of the studies based on the current sentence.

Again, great work Yasmin! :) You did an awesome job with your article. Sujinlim86 (talk) 00:30, 29 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Sujin! Thank you very much for the feedback, I will be incorporating it in the next draft! Yasbey (talk) 20:50, 1 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback from Nicole

Hi Yasmin

Good work as the first time wikipedia editor. I am curious why accent and chant talk methods are chosen to be highlighted in this article. I would think LSVT, LMRVT and VFE are more common and studied in research.

Nicole