User talk:Wisteriatree

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Peacock Language/Encyclopedic Tone

Hello,

Recently, my autobiographical article ("Howard Fishman") has been flagged for using "peacock language" and for using a tone which is not encyclopedic. I am seeking help to edit my article so that it conforms to the style of Wikipedia. If anyone is willing to point them out, I would love to know which sections are problematic and how I can begin to edit or seek help in editing the article. Thanks

Wisteriatree (talk) 19:58, 23 February 2016 (UTC)

Hello Wisteriatree! I'd be happy to help you sort things out. Please understand that I'm a very honest and blunt person, so please don't be discouraged by what I say. A couple of things to note, firstly, we strongly recommend that people don't make or edit articles about themselves. That's pretty much because of what we've run into here, it's hard to maintain a neutral point of view about yourself or someone you are connected closely to. Secondly, though I note that the encyclopedia.com and yonasmedia references appears to be a broken links and it may not be a reliable reference in any case, so you may want to remove the source and the content associated with it. The kadmusarts link is a blog, and also isn't a reliable source. You should probably take a look at our page on Reliable Sources for more information. Regarding the peacock tags, here are a couple of examples of what the tagging editor was concerned about:

• "His music is inspired by New Orleans jazz, pop, gospel, and country music, but is filtered through a contemporary, sometimes experimental aesthetic."
  • "Inspired", "filtered" are "color" words and should be avoided in articles unless you are quoting a source.
• "His music incorporates influences from New Orleans jazz, gritty pop, fervent gospel, and open-hearted country music."
  • Same here, "gritty" "fervent" and "open-hearted" are superlatives, again only if the sources say so. Most often it would be something like "Jane Doe of Rolling Stone stated that his music "incorporates influences from New Orleans jazz, gritty pop...."
• "Fishman began his musical career on the streets of New Orleans and in the subways of New York before making his debut at The Algonquin Oak Room at the Algonquin Hotel in 1999."
  • This is repeated from the lede, and "on the streets...in the subways" is also adding "color" to the article
• "Fishman has also been a frequent NPR guest, making feature-length appearances on..."
  • "Frequent" isn't stated in the source, and as such would be original research, please see Original Research
• "Fishman's Biting Fish Brass Band, formed in 2008, features Fishman fronting a New Orleans-style brass band and performing an eclectic, funky repertoire that careens from street-beat style traditional gospel to surprising covers to Fishman's originals."
  • More of the same "color" words, "funky" "careens" "street-beat style" and "surprising".

Encyclopedias are generally written in fairly dry, clinical tones. It's really about the information, but when fancy adjectives that don't really hold much meaning are used, it just sounds promotional. Wikipedia isn't a marketing venue or a business directory, so when editors run across this stuff, they will often tag or delete it. I'm glad the editor in question tagged it rather than flagging for deletion, because I think this article has some potential without all the "fluff". Some halfway decent examples might be Ryo Kawasaki or Masahiko Satoh which, while needing in-line citations and having a few other imperfections, are pretty straight-forward in their tone. I hope this helps out. Feel free to ask me any more questions here or on my own Talk Page. If you make more edits to the article, I'm happy to look them over for you. Best wishes! Chrisw80 (talk) 02:17, 24 February 2016 (UTC)

Hi Chrisw80! Thanks for your help here. I'll work towards these suggestions. I appreciate it.

74.65.204.100 (talk) 04:18, 24 February 2016 (UTC)

No problem, glad to help, let me know if you have any more questions. BTW, I removed the {{answered}} template above that you added as it doesn't exist. I marked it answered already. Chrisw80 (talk) 04:31, 24 February 2016 (UTC)

Hi Chrisw80! I've addressed all of your suggestions in my article, removing color words where unnecessary, removing out-of-use links, and adding quotes and citations to some summaries of my work. Will you let me know what you think? Thanks!

Wisteriatree (talk) 15:49, 11 March 2016 (UTC)

Hi Chrisw80! Another couple of questions. First, do the changes I made warrant taking down the flags at the top of my Wiki page? I would really like to get those removed, but don't want to act unless encouraged to do so. Second, do I need to "cite" a quote when I precede the quote by saying "Brooklyn Magazine says ___________"? Thanks!

Wisteriatree (talk) 15:49, 11 March 2016 (UTC)