User talk:Walinde/sandbox
Benjamin Killeen Peer Review
[edit]Intro
[edit]- "in the field of remote-controlled robots" works better rather than "spcifically remote-controlled robots." Also, you can
- instead of (see telepresence) just use [[Telepresence|remote-controlled robots]] in place of "remote controlled robots.
- Your last sentence, "Goertz recognized the value of electrically coupling manipulators and laid the foundations of modern tele-robotics and bilateral force-reflecting positional servos" seems overly complicated for the intro.
- remove "also," second paragraph
- Third paragraph is not necessary, as it talks more about nuclear safety than it does the main subject. Move it or remove it.
Education and Early Life
[edit]- Fairly good section, not much to be done here except maybe consolidate the first two sentences as follows: "Raymond C. Goertz was born in Clearwater, Kansas on March 12, 1915 to Norman E. and Flora (Saint) Goertz." I would just remove the info about his siblings, unless they were notable. Maybe include that he had siblings, but not their names.
Career and Research
[edit]- "Later Goertz became a senior engineer in the remote control engineering..." when?
- What is a master-slave device?
- "seven-degree-of-freedom bi-lateral (symmetrical) metal tape transmission pantograph device," TOO MANY ADJECTIVES!!!
- There's lots of technical language in this section. Is there a way to simplify this?
- You have a type toward the end. "THe coupling of the two arms must be bilateral."
Also, you can make lists. * This * is * a list. Renders as:
- This
- is
- a list.
Master Slave Manipulator and Awards
[edit]Both of these sections look great.
Personal Life
[edit]Is this the right place for this? I'm not sure where personal details would go. Consult other biographical wikipedia pages, but it feels strange. Maybe it's just me.