User talk:Vway2209

This user is a student editor in Medical_University_of_South_Carolina/Expanding_WikiProject_Medicine_MUSC_Fall_2017_(Block_5) .

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Victoria's peer review

The opening paragraph is easy to read and has all the basic information. Some of the last few sentences could probably be combined to help with some of the repetitive wording, but the point comes across either way.

The History section is really interesting - great job.

In the Pathophysiology section, you could give some examples of medications that can speed up vitamin D metabolism. "Osteoclasts" and "bone matrix" might be too technical, maybe changing it to "cells that break down bone," or something to that effect. Same thing with "renal reabsorption." Something like "uptake of calcium by the kidneys" could be easier for some readers to understand.

The Classifications section is great - succinct and informative. The last sentence reads a little odd, though. Changing it from "both avoid" to "prevents" might make it flow a little better.

The Characteristics section is very informative. The accompanying pictures are great. Try finding a source for "Vitamin D deficiency is correlated with the development of pre-eclampsia in pregnancy."

I think the first sentence of the Risk factors section is supposed to read "people with little or NO exposure to sunlight." Also, "Elderly people have a higher risk OF having a vitamin D deficiency." There are a couple of places in need of citation throughout the Risk factors section.

In the Diagnosis section, you could link to the "parathyroid hormone" wikipedia page, if there is one.

The Screening section is great - to the point.

The Treatment section is great. You might need to add citations to the "maintenance phase" and "special cases" sections.

I like the Epidemiology and Research sections - interesting and informative material that isn't always included in Wikipedia articles.

I think you've done a great job with your sources. For the most part, they all seem to be reliable, and from many different countries. For #3, the DOI doesn't work, but the PMID links to the article. #9 links to a Notre Dame Australia page that requires a username and password. The links for #13, 25, 43, 46, 47, and 48 don't work. #17 links to the abstract, but requires a password or subscription to view the full article (I'm not sure if that's acceptable or not). Page numbers are needed for #28. #45 is a TIME magazine article, which I'm not sure is an acceptable source. Otherwise, I think you have plenty of sources with a variety of perspectives represented.

Overall, you've done a great job! Hope this is helpful! ACBurnette (talk) 12:06, 11 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]