User talk:Tisamerefleshwound/sandbox

Hello. This is my sandbox talk page. I'm learning the basics of Wikipedia editing and WikiCode. I will respond to this in order to get more practice.

responding to the above comment--Tisamerefleshwound (talk) 17:50, 1 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Wikipedia editors! Here's a spot if you wanted to leave me a few comments! --Tisamerefleshwound (talk) 18:06, 1 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback on article contribution

Comments are in no particular order:

Look at Wiki Manual of Style for how to format titles.
Because you are discussing more than one article in the first paragraph, starting the paragraph by referencing "the article" generates some ambiguity. Consider substituting a more specific noun phrase. In that same sentence, "then" sounds as if you are simply paraphrasing this part then this part followed by another part. The effect of your contribution should be summary rather than a chronological recounting of the article.
In line with the comment on chronological recounting, I'd suggest that the direct quotes from attendees are most closely connected to the section of paragraph one that refers to effects of the course on attendees. Just look at the contribution as a whole now that you've finished the first draft, and think about what points you are making and how the individual elements might work together best to communicate those points.
"also note of" - something missing? or needs deleting?
Similarly, the third paragraph seems most closely related to strategies to avoid criticism mentioned in the first paragraph.
Nice touch to actually "talk" to the community on the talk page. Hopefully someone will take up your suggestion and build on your contribution.
Overall a very solid draft of a substantive contribution that the community agreed was lacking. Good job.
Of course, elaboration could include identification of queer studies work in other courses. Or, I seem to remember that you had a source discussing the potential career costs of teaching "queer" courses - must be the Berlant. That would be another way to elaborate on the conversation and might be consistent with the concerns identified in the strategizing by instructors for the Chinese course.--Jagrif02 (talk) 15:56, 19 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]