User talk:Thatgirljessie
| This user is a student editor in Bowdoin_College/Religions_of_the_African_Atlantic_(Spring_2019) . |
Thatgirljessie, you are invited to the Teahouse!
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Hi Thatgirljessie! Thanks for contributing to Wikipedia. We hope to see you there!
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Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Thatgirljessie, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:51, 11 March 2019 (UTC)
Feedback from professor
[edit]I just checked over your contributions for the week, and I think you're on the right track. Be sure to start reading and taking notes on your sources even now. If you do that, you'll keep the research portion of the article from sneaking up on you! Let me know if you have any questions. Abukun (talk) 20:03, 4 April 2019 (UTC)
Just an update to say keep up the good work! I'm excited to see you editing the Mambo (Vodou) article directly now. Be sure to find an article to act as a template (see the exercise I added for this week). That should help give you some guidance on how you should be structuring your article. Nice work! Abukun (talk) 18:02, 12 April 2019 (UTC)
Article template
[edit]Can you tell me what article you identified to act as a "template" for your work on Mambo (Vodou)? I'm referring to the assignment for this week, which asked you to find an article that was of "Good" or "Featured" quality on a similar topic to your own. Thanks! Abukun (talk) 20:50, 18 April 2019 (UTC)
Sorry for that--I wasn't sure if we had to post the article in our sandbox. I'm using the article https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcellina_(gnostic) as a template for what I should incorporate when writing about specific religious figures (in my case, well-known manbos). I couldn't quite find an article under "Featured" or "Good" quality that was similar in topic, but the article is structured in a way that I think is helpful. Thatgirljessie (talk) 22:14, 18 April 2019 (UTC)
- OK, that's a good idea. I found cardinal-nephew, but it doesn't seem quite helpful in this case. Mining a biographical article should be good in this case. Abukun (talk) 21:18, 23 April 2019 (UTC)
Feedback for this week: The article is shaping up nicely. I'd like to see you continue to work to expand it, continuing to plug away at the various possible ways you've identified in your sandbox. We can also discuss things more thoroughly in office hours Abukun (talk) 21:18, 23 April 2019 (UTC)
Feedback for this week: Again, you've been doing a good job on the expansion here. I'm glad you found some images to include. I'd suggest you give more detailed captions for them if possible; for instance, in the image of the three Mambos, you might say where they are (NYC, I believe) and what the situation is. I'll give you some more feedback next week, after you've had a chance to dig in and add more information this weekend. I look forward to seeing what you come up with. Abukun (talk) 19:56, 2 May 2019 (UTC)
Article review
[edit]Here are some thoughts upon reading your article thoroughly:
Regarding your lead section: When you’re about finished with your article, be sure that your lead section is summarizing the other sections you’ve written. Currently, it doesn’t include any mention of the notable and pop-culture mambos, for instance. Likewise, be sure there’s nothing in the lead that isn’t repeated somewhere in the body of the article. Currently, there’s a lot of information that gets introduced but not repeated in the body.
“Mother of bo” — Essential information. But what is bo? This is worth translating.
I like that you’ve given Creole and English terms for major concepts throughout. However, be careful to be consistent in this. For instance, in the lead, you say, “whereas those initiated into the temple are called "children of the house,” but you don’t give the Creole term for these children.
Over all, your linking could be beefed up a bit. If you mention something that is important to this article, go ahead and link it. I did some of this in the lead section as an example. Generally, in the body of the article you start over from scratch and link things upon first mention again. It’s not necessary to link every term, but stuff that is directly related and could help the reader understand better is worth linking (like “initiation” and “priesthood” under “initiation rituals’).
I think you can rewrite the final two paragraphs of the “Initiation ritual” section slightly to foreground better the role the mambo plays in the rituals and practices you describe. For instance, when you talk about spirit possession, you seem to suggest that only priests or priestesses can be possessed, but then you say that the mambos oversee possession, which suggests they’re not the only ones who can be possessed. Maybe rewrite slightly to better indicate that mambos may either be possessed themselves, or may oversee the possession of other devotees?
I would rewrite the notable mambos section to be in chronological order (from Bois Caïman to Laveau to Mama Lola).
Can you find anything about mambos in Louisiana? You mention Laveau, but what do we know about the role mambos played in Louisiana historically? I don’t think you need a ton there, but it may be worth adding a line here or there to say that Louisiana used to have this sort of thing, too, although it’s now mostly a thing of the past.
The only other thing I can say that seems missing is some attention to the role of mambos over time, but that may be due to the fact that we just don’t know much about the development of Haitian Vodou after the Revolution and before the U.S. invasion. So I won’t fault you for that.
Good luck in the final push! The article is very good and almost there! Abukun (talk) 18:56, 8 May 2019 (UTC)
New message from Narutolovehinata5
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Message added 22:58, 11 May 2019 (UTC). You can remove this notice at any time by removing the {{Talkback}} or {{Tb}} template.