User talk:Tharunkotaru/sandbox
Great work and interesting read! I also just have a few minor suggestions that I listed below:
-Like Rocky mentioned, I would also include a comma after "ultimately" -I don't think this is required by any means, but it would be helpful to readers if links to other wiki pages are include in the final piece. Words like "next generation sequencing" could be unfamiliar to some readers! -In the last sentence I think you meant "applied" rather than "applies" -Maybe consider revising the last sentence? The word "should" is pretty assertive, and as we are writing wiki articles that are objective leaving it as "could" may be a better option? -I like the format already, but if there is a way to section off certain paragraphs so they can be labeled it may be easier on the eye and faster to read? Not necessary though and it may require too much revising to be worth the effort.
Great job and let me know if you need any clarification on my comments! -Lauren Engel (lengel1@slu.edu)
General Comments: Good content! There are just some small grammatical issues that I outlined below. They are easy fixes!
Grammar:
Comma after ultimately in first paragraph: "ultimately,..."
Put "primarily" after is for concise flow in second paragraph: "experiences is primarily due..."
"A majority of plant growth is because of root development and recent studies show how competitive A. cristatum since it beats out other forms of vegetation in grassland environments." - insert "is" after cristatum. Comma after development since you're connecting two independent clauses with a conjunction (and). Also, it's my personal opinion that the sentence should be split into two separate sentences. It's grammatically sound if you make the above edits, but I think your comment on root development and the plant's competitive nature aren't clearly related enough to warrant placing them in the same sentence.
"Experimental studies conducted on the competitiveness of A. cristatum provide data" is redundant since you already mentioned "recent studies" on competitiveness in the previous sentence. Replace this with "These studies provide data..."
"This data give significant insights into why A. cristatum is so competitive and why the development of this" - this data gives
Finally, I think the first sentence of your third paragraph can be said in the active voice to let readers know what the paragraph is about first thing, i.e., "researchers can annotate important functional genes... by utilizing..."
References:
Good job!
- Rocky Leng — Preceding unsigned comment added by RockyLeng8 (talk • contribs) 17:58, 25 November 2015 (UTC)
General Comments: I think that this contribution is mainly about how the different aspects of A. cristatum help it survive so well. I really enjoyed that you went into depth of the root system of A. cristatum, because I think that its root system is very important to its survival rate, and can perhaps help aid researchers in improving wheat. One thing is that you set up your contribution to show how A. cristatum can help improve wheat, but in the entire second paragraph, you do not once talk about wheat, or how the root systems of A. cristatum relate to wheat.
Grammar: I think the flow of your paper was very good, but there are a few things that I think you should consider. (1) In the 3rd paragraph of the Tenacity section, I think that you can replace the second "A. cristatum" with "it" to avoid redundancy. (2) In this sentence, "The importance of this knowledge is that researchers can use this genetic information regarding stress resistance genes to introduce new desirable traits in other domesticated wheat species that aid their growth in harsh environments; ultimately this leads to better yields for more human consumption," I would break up the semi colon and put a period there. Then Capitalize "Ultimately" and put a comma after it. I think that would flow better and break up a really long sentence. (3) In the first sentence of the second paragraph, I would put "that" before Agropyron cristatum and switch "primarily is due" to "is primarily due to." (4) in the next sentence, I would put a comma after "root development," and put "is" after "A. cristatum." (5) Finally, in the 6th sentence of the 2nd paragraph, you should have "These data" instead of "this data". Data is plural. (6) In the last sentence of the last paragraph, I would replace "that" with "which", and change "applies" to "applied".
References:Your references look good, but you need to be more consistent with them. In Dr. Miller's example, you do not need to put periods after the initials of the author's names. In addition, either put a period after the year of the article (2014). or don't, but keep it consistent and do not use a comma. In addition, I don't think you need to include the doi numbers or where you retrieved the source from, but I'm not sure if she will take points off for that or not, since that is actually above and beyond her example source. Also, don't italicize the issue number. And remember to include page numbers if applicable!Mitchelln175 (talk) 18:20, 1 December 2015 (UTC)