User talk:TeddyGillie/sandbox
The sentence, “The human body contains billions of cells that are based on electrical principles” is vague. Specifically mention how cells are affected by electrical principals without getting into too much detail.
The sentence, “Because neural circuits can communicate via impulses, electroceuticals proposes the idea that it is possible to produce cell stimulations or inhibitory effects through the use of tiny electrodes.” should be changed to something like, “ Because neural circuits can communicate via impulses, electroceuticals have the potential to produce cell stimulations or inhibitory effects through the use of tiny electrodes.”. This change should be made because electrceuticals themselves can not “propose” something.
In the sentence, “Electroceuticals focuses on the mechanisms of neurons and action potentials within neural circuits to hopefully treat specific bodily conditions such as insulin release, pain management, and appetite control.” the word “focuses” should be changed to “focus”. Also I would replace “hopefully” to “potentially” to make the sentence completely objective.
The sentence, “Electrical impulses have been successful in medical devices such as a cochlear implant or defribillators” seems vague to me. How have they been successful? In improving patient outcomes or at modifying neural circuits in testing?
The last sentence.”Mapping the neural circuits associated with disease and treatment is vital to the success of electroceuticals.” seems like the writer’s personal opinion. If it is, then it should be excluded, but if it is not then it should be cited.
In conclusion, the writing in this section is mostly objectively written and very little writer bias is present. Also, I’m not sure if DBS, SCS and TMS which are already mentioned in the neurostimulation article are considered electroceuticals. If they are, it may not make sense to make electroceuticals its own section but instead use the writing here to add to the introduction of the neurostimulation page.
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