User talk:Tbmcintosh/sandbox
Draft Feedback
[edit]Tiffanie, your article addition is very well-organized and clear, and it is obvious that you have thoroughly researched your topic. I like your plan to add your information below the article introduction, and your organization of different sub-sections sounds good. I do have several minor suggestions for you.
First, when you reference your sources, it would make more sense to reference them when you first start to refer to information from that source, and not when you last refer to that information. For example, for the information in the section Agriculture and Horticultural Development Board, I suggest referencing your source either in the header title for that section or in the first sentence of that section.
Second, your header title "Catchment sensitive farming how to help" sounds a little odd. Perhaps consider changing it to a more neutral tone, such as "catchment sensitive farming solutions". On a similar note, it looks like the first 4 sub-sections here all refer to organizations that work towards catchment-related solutions with farmers (and good summary of that in your initial paragraph here), but that the last section refers to a different topic. This last section, Victoria, AUS, actually does refer to solutions per catchment-sensitive farming, but not within the context of an umbrella organization. Would this information better fit under one of your previous 4 sections? Or, would it make more sense to just change the title of this section, perhaps to something like "Additional Solutions".
Last, your references 6 and 7 seem to be the same. But, overall, this looks great! I suggest as you work on your final draft to continue to work on emphasizing the main points from each section, for example but being even more specific with your section titles. Also, are there any key words in your article addition that you could link to other Wikipedia pages? Rhirshorn (talk) 01:12, 21 November 2016 (UTC)
Dr. Hirshorn, your feedback is very helpful. I will change my references to the beginning of when I first use the sources. I will also edit my header. I like the idea of calling it "Catchment Sensitive Farming Solutions", so I will change it to that. As for the lest section, Victoria, AUS I will look into where it would flow better in correspondence to my other sections and paragraphs. Thank you for your feedback. Tbmcintosh (talk) 18:55, 22 November 2016 (UTC)