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User talk:Tanvan1/Silver Wings

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comments from joe

[edit]

Tan --

This is a very good article on Silver Wings.

Some suggestions for revision:

Paragraph 1

[edit]
  • civilian's -> civilians'
  • second sentence, check noun-verb agreement in number (e.g., students who volunteer, not volunteers)
  • that is ran -> that is run

"Objectives" section

[edit]
  • The opening quotation ... why is it a quotation, first of all? Can you say the same thing in your own words? If it is necessary to quote these words, you should introduce the quote (e.g., "As the Silver Wings handbook states..."). Also, you need to explain what this quote represents. Is this Silver Wings' mission statement or something? Or their motto?
  • "build character by developing a sense of purpose and a responsibility to their communities." -- I would say that "developing a sense of purpose" is the same as 'building character", so it's circular. What activities help to build this sense of purpose and responsibility?

History

[edit]

"Silver Wings, originally known as Angel Flight" - insert comma after "Flight"


--Joegrohens 06:48, 15 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]