User talk:Sonicdoughboy/sandbox/Checkpoint1

Peer Review of draft article…

This is a strong overall draft that covers especially the motivation, report, edits, and criticism of the Rockefeller Commission. The reader can learn a lot from this draft article, but there are several things that can improve it.

First off, somewhere in between these strengths of the article are other topics, especially the composition, sessions, and investigative process of the Commission itself. This research finding aid at the Ford Presidential library is especially descriptive of these points. Tell us who was on the commission, what evidence they looked at, and how they operated. Tell us the day the commission was announced, and the day it submitted its report. Remember your article will be most people's first resource, so do a just-the-facts summary somewhere early. (Relatedly, create an external links section that includes the report and the FPL finding aid.)

There's further detail to be added about the Hersh exposé. See chapter 17 of Miraldi, Robert (2013-10-01). Seymour Hersh. Potomac Books, Inc. ISBN 978-1-61234-475-1.. Also, Hersh did not expose the Family Jewels (Central Intelligence Agency), but the coincident internal report is part of the background. At a minimum, briefly summarize Hersh's exposé here.

If you have time to request via ILL, this looks informative: Nolan, Cynthia M. (1999-03-01). "Seymour Hersh's Impact On The CIA". International Journal of Intelligence and CounterIntelligence. 12 (1): 18–34. doi:10.1080/088506099305205. ISSN 0885-0607. Retrieved 2022-11-27.

This commission overlaps with the Pike/Nedzi Committee as well. See Pike Committee.

Your writing can take an omniscent view on issues like "Monitoring of Anti-war movement": Don't just say what Hersh alleged, but offer at least a sentence on what we know now. See Rinaldi, for example.

"White House Interference…" section gets very choppy in terms of numbers of paragraphs. Consolidate into narrative chunks.

Prados and Jimenez quote is an example of just when and how to best deploy long quotes on Wikipedia

Mechanical edits: Italicize publications like the New York Times. Acronyms (CIA) don't have periods on Wikipedia (there's further advice on creating a mouse-over explanation there, if you really wanna get fancy). There are extra returns splitting sentences and paragraphs in the lead. Turn "An edit by White House Personnel" into a sentence with a noun and verb. Invert this sentence: "It was ordered weeks before committees were established in the House and Senate for a similar purpose." to something beginning "Several weeks later…"

Good work. Looking forward to the final draft. I'll send out a request for peer review to the class. Carwil (talk) 14:34, 27 November 2022 (UTC)[reply]