User talk:Sjb1213

Welcome!

Hello, Sjb1213, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:12, 30 August 2018 (UTC)

Sjb1213 Peer review

Hi Sjb1213,

i decided to use your sandbox for my peer review as i liked the look of your topic. Obviously you do not have much there yet as it is still early in the semester to be adding information. But what you have got there I can see has a good structure based around the topic and some good information and a good source already. I would just say that maybe you could start with a broad overview to start with, which delineates exactly what you plan to talk about and in the first fact you give its says "Cambodian girls are believed" I don't know if this is like a fact or if some just think this. i am still new to this as well so do not know if that is right either. I hope my review helps. Thanks, JamesAndrewPaterson1987 (talk) 21:31, 17 October 2018 (UTC)JamesAndrewPaterson1987

Thanks for your feedback, JamesAndrewPeterson1987! I noticed that I am lacking on citations of each fact, which was my bad on that part. I will start citing each fact I've listed so it does not come off as opinions. On the subheading, I listed that these were cultural beliefs and myths. It would be based off of cultural aspects and views. Thanks for your help.

Best, Sjb1213

Sandbox

Hi, I saw that you moved your sandbox live, however it doesn't look like the work is complete, as it's set up as a list of facts as opposed to the style that Wikipedia uses. It was tagged for deletion, but thankfully this was very kindly moved back to your sandbox by RHaworth (thank you RHaworth!), so make sure that you thank them.

It looks like the article topic was meant to be gender equality in education in Cambodia, however there is an issue here, namely that there are already articles on women in Cambodia and education in Cambodia. A new article that specifically looks at your topic area would be seen as redundant, since the topic can be encompassed in the existing articles. This doesn't mean that these articles don't need expansion, updating, or improvement, mind you - just that you need to shift focus from a new article to expanding the existing ones.

I have some notes on what you would need to do to add to the existing articles:

• Summarize the content about education into a section. Keep in mind that this should be a general overview. Any specifics should be worked into the education article, in their respective sections.
• Points 1-5 on the gender gap section honestly seem a little random since they're set up as a list of factoids as opposed to prose that puts it into context. This is also true for the other sections that are just lists and one of the main reasons that lists should generally be avoided, as it makes it incredibly difficult to give this context and to make the material fit into the article properly.
• Avoid "if... then..." type arguments and phrasing. This can be seen as original research and can also come across like you're making a persuasive argument. Examples of this would be sentences that use the word "thus", but aren't attributed to a specific source/person that made the argument.
• Merge content into the other articles selectively - make sure that it fits into the article.

I hope that it helps! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 15:24, 17 December 2018 (UTC)

• Shalor, it is a sad fact that all too often supervisors of student projects want straightforward essays that are easy to mark. How can we encourage them to hand out briefs which read "review articles on [topic x] and improve where necessary"? — RHaworth (talk · contribs) 16:47, 17 December 2018 (UTC)