User talk:Sayed120989
| This user is a student editor in West_Virginia_University/Technical_Writing_(Spring_2021) . |
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[edit]Hello, Sayed120989, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 00:51, 19 February 2021 (UTC)
Peer Review
[edit]I am editing the Rural Diversity article. The Changes I propose are as follows: 1- the introduction: "Rural diversity refers to the presence of a non-homogenous population of people in a low-density area outside of a city. The term "Rural" is subjective. However, it generally requires a relatively low population density, a land-based economy, particularly agricultural, and a distinct regional identity. Some researchers have defined rurality as existing on a continuum.[1] The absence of heterogeneity in rural areas reflects a focus upon demographics like religion, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, mental health, physical ability, or any other socially significant identifier." - I made multiple changes by paraphrasing sentences that are not concise. I also deleted some pieces of information which I believe are confusing.
2- Academic Research Section: I believe that this section needs more information. https://www.ers.usda.gov/webdocs/publications/44331/10597_page7.pdf?v=41055 https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/economy/reports/2019/07/17/471877/redefining-rural-america/ https://www.mdrc.org/publication/recognizing-diversity-rural-america These are some of the sources that could be included. Also, the section could be expanded from Academic research to research and information in general.
3- Types of Diversity Section More categories could be included. Also, the following sentence should be deleted as it adds no value to the article. This is common sense. The writer used it to introduce statistics about disability, but there are better ways. "Despite the portrayal of rural Americans as primarily able bodied, strong farmers, people in rural America have varying levels of physical ability."
4- Common conceptions section should be titled as common misconceptions. More information should be included.
- Peer Review - Hannah
- Since the introduction of this article lacks conciseness, it is beneficial to paraphrase more. I agree when you said in paragraph three, "Types of Diversity Section More categories could be included." Listing additional sections would help showcase more dimensions of rural America. I suggest expanding the current sections with reliable sources before creating new ones.
- I agree that the quote in paragraph three should be removed. How should it be rephrased?
- These proposed changes will improve the article's conciseness and content. --H703D (talk) 07:32, 25 February 2021 (UTC)
- @Sayed120989: Hi Sayed, Dr. Sarraf here. I appreciate your revision to the opening. I have a few more suggestions.
- You changed "What is conceptualized as “rural” varies from place to place" to "The term "Rural" is subjective." I like that your change is more concise; however, I think that the word "subjective" might be misleading here. "Subjective" implies that the definition depends on an individual's personal beliefs and feelings. However, I think it's more accurate to say that the term "rural" is contextual, meaning that it does vary from place to place. Could you either keep the original phrasing or find a way to revise that is both accurate and concise?
- The opening line also uses jargon, so you might consider revising for plain language (or someone else in your group could do so). For instance, this sentence is a bit convoluted. "The absence of heterogeneity in rural areas reflects a focus upon demographics like religion, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, mental health, physical ability, or any other socially significant identifier." KjessJKT (talk) 14:49, 25 February 2021 (UTC)