User talk:SadieAbboud/Louise L. Sloan

MH final comments

This article is in good shape! There are just a few small fixes I'd recommend before you submit your final draft, due May 8.

1. Some of the links to references redirect through the Hopkins login page (for example, footnote 3). To avoid this, which may be a problem for other users, change the link to the 'stable URL' given at the top of the actual ScienceDirect page, rather than copied from your own navigation window.

2. I'm not sure 'committees' is the right term in the 'Medical and Scientific Societies' section - if it is, specify which committees she sat on within these larger organizations. Otherwise, it may be enough to simply say that she was a 'member'.

Overall, nice work! I look forward to seeing the final version. — Preceding unsigned comment added by M.hin.ck (talk • contribs) 19:21, 28 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

MH comments

This article is immensely improved! As you revise your next draft, keep the following in mind:

1. Particularly in relation to her personal life, think about what each fact is adding to the ultimate purpose of the article: to inform the average Wikipedia reader about Sloan, the ophthalmologist. For example, what does her marital history in the 'Service in WWII' section add to our understanding of Sloan? If it does tell us something important about her life or contribution to society, make clear its connection to the larger theme (maybe it shows her independent character, for instance). If not, though, consider trimming such facts.

2. Particularly in the second half of the article, cross-link to other Wikipedia articles wherever possible, as this makes the text more user-friendly.

3. Consider making her legacy more explicit - it seems she had a lasting impact both through her Letters and the Lantern Test, and drawing these off in a separate 'Legacy' section may help make the case why Sloan is such an important figure.

Also, please post a comment to the Talk page of the original article explaining that you're drafting a new version of this article for a WikiEducation class, providing a short summary of the changes you've made (dividing it into sections, adding information, etc.) so that when you begin moving this across in a couple of weeks, it won't come as a surprise.

Read your peer reviews and continue to revise in the sandbox (all your old drafts are saved automatically). Keep up the good work!

Image of Louise L. Sloan

There's a photo on the OSA International Women's Day page (https://www.osapublishing.org/internationalwomensday.cfm) that could be better than the current photo of her receiving the award. I've contacted OSA to see if we can use it - will update as soon as they email. Gkim70 (talk) 08:06, 9 April 2020 (UTC)Gkim70 -> Update: it can be used but Wikipedia deleted it Gkim70 (talk) 16:27, 9 April 2020 (UTC)Gkim70 -> Update: Wikipedia admins allowed us to add image back in Gkim70 (talk) 00:48, 20 April 2020 (UTC)Gkim70[reply]