User talk:Rockbd/sandbox
Peer Review
[edit]The sentence structure of the lead section is good however, most of the information is missing citations. The high contact section is good as well but, the first three sentences could be combined to make one or two more complex sentences. Citations are also missing in this section. Below, I copied and pasted your work and wrote my comments underneath each sentence. It was mostly for grammar/spelling and the change I made is in bold.
Sentences in Lead/Intro section
[edit]1. Haptic communication is a branch of nonverbal communication that refers to the ways in which people and animals communicate and interact via the sense of touch.
- maybe include citation
2. Touch or Haptics , from the ancient greek word haptikos is extremely important for humanoid communication, it is vital for survival .
- Touch or haptics, from the ancient Greek word haptikos, is extremely important for humanoid communication and vital for survival.
or
- ...is vital for human communication and survival.
3. The sense of touch allows one to experience difference sensations such as: pleasure, pain, heat, or cold.
- The sense of touch allows one to experience different sensations such as: pleasure, pain, heat, or cold.
4. One of the most significant aspect of touch is the ability to convey and enhance physical intimacy.
- One of the most significant aspects of touch is the ability to convey and enhance physical intimacy.
- Not sure if saying "one of the most significant" comes off as neutral, maybe revise.
5. The sense of touch is the fundamental component of haptic communication for interpersonal relationships .
- The sense of touch is the fundamental component of haptic communication for interpersonal relationships.
6. Touch can be categorized in many terms such as positive, playful, control, ritualistic, task-related or unintentional.
- Touch can be categorized into terms such as positive, playful, controling, ritualistic, task-related or unintentional.
7. It can be both sexual (kissing is one example that some perceived as sexual), and platonic (such as hugging or a Handshake).
- It can be sexual (kissing, for example) and/or platonic (such as a hug or handshake).
8. Touch is the earliest sense to develop in the fetus([1]).
- I don't think the citation has to be inside parenthesis.
9. The development of an infant's haptic senses and how it relates to the development of the other senses such as vision has been the target of much research.
- The development of an infant's haptic sense and how it relates to the development of the other senses, such as vision, has been the target of much research.
- I changed senses because senses is plural and it is singular so one of them had to be changed. I added the extra commas because it's a long sentence and some type of punctuation was needed.
10. Human babies have been observed to have enormous difficulty surviving if they do not possess a sense of touch, even if they retain sight and hearing.
- It has been observed that human babies have difficulty surviving if they don't posses a sense of touch, even if they retain sight or hearing.
11. Babies who can perceive through touch, even without sight and hearing, tend to fare much better.[2]
- change word fare or elaborate on what they do much better on.
High Contact Culture
[edit]1. A culture assumes that its members already know the cultural rules. 2. Expectations do not have to be outlined or specifically verbalized. 3. In a high contact culture, many things are left unsaid, but are express and through physical touch.
- In a high contact culture, many things are left unsaid, but are expressed through physical touch.
4. Different cultures have different display rules , the degree of which emotions are expressed.
- Different cultures have different display rules, the degree of which emotions are expressed.
5. Cultural display rules also affect the degree which individuals shares their personal space, gaze and physical contact during interactions.
- Cultural display rules also affect the degree in which individuals share their personal space, gaze, and physical contact during interactions.
6. In a High contact cultures, such as South America, Latin America, Southern Europe, Africa, Russia, Middle East and others , people tends to share more physical contact.
- In high contact cultures, such as South America, Latin America, Southern Europe, Africa, Russia, Middle East and others, people tend to share more physical contact.
7. High contact cultures communicate through long gazes, long hugs,and shares a decrease in proxemics and etc[3].
- People of high contact cultures communicate through long gazes, long hugs, and short proxemics.[3]