User talk:Rassidatou
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Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Rassidatou, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:14, 27 September 2017 (UTC)
Rassi's Peer Review
[edit]Area sources: This is great! You may want to add a comma after the work “prevention” in the second sentence. I would suggest to either add a link to the definition or define within the text what “palliative” care is, since that may not be something that most people already know the definition of. In the fourth sentence, I would consider revising the sentence structure or rewording your phrase after 1985, maybe “to better achieve its goal …” Your sixth sentence can use some rewording as well, it may not be necessary to include the phrase “ Even though the registry does not cover the whole population affected by cancer,” because it is a bit vague and without it, the sentence is more straightforward. You can simply say “the registry gives the most….”Make sure to delete the “is” after “it” in that sentence as well, that might have been left there by accident. Also, does the registry inform policies? Or does it give information on policies? This is another important point to clarify clarifying point. In the second to last sentence, it might make more sense to replace “the” with “its” successes, since you are talking about the Programme in particular.
Sector Sources: In the third sentence, make sure to specify if you are referring to developing or developed countries, so maybe just add “This can be partially explained by the fact that breast cancer is diagnosed at later stages *in developing countries*.” Make sure to add “while” or “and” after “0.55 in 2012,” in the next sentence. Maybe you can more easily transition after talking about the lack of resources to issues with male breast cancer by saying, “male breast cancer, for example..” because as of now, it is not as continuous as it could be, and consider restructuring that sentence so that it flows a little better.
Clare's feedback
[edit]Area Sources
With the emergence of Cancer as a growing threat to Public Health[2], the Indian Government, through the Ministry of Health and Welfare, initiated the National Cancer Control Program in 1975[3]. Initially, the focus of the program was prevention as its aim was to educate the population and make detection and diagnosis resources available. Another goal for the program was to increase capacity in the structures already dealing with cancer and address the short fallings of palliative care[3]. The program was subsequently revised between 1984 and 1985[2] to better set it up for success in its goal of reducing cancer morbidity and mortality in the country[4]. Since its creation, the program has had many major accomplishments such as the establishment of the National Cancer Registry Programme in 1982[4]. Even though the registry does not cover the whole population affected by cancer, it gives the most updated information on the burden of cancer in the country and informs policies enacted to fight cancer such as provisions for additional funding to public hospitals and the creation of cancer centers in 27 regions[3]. Despite the successes, the National Cancer Control Programme is faced with numerous challenges[3]. Accessibility, availability, and affordability of cancer care resources remain a major issue faced by the program[3][5].
This is excellent, Rassi (a solid history and description of the program). I corrected 2-3 minor spelling grammar issues above. I can't figure out how to indicate those small changes. (Do you happen to know?) I urge you to move this straight away to the Mainspace. You can continue to add and develop, but for now you should feel confident to put this out there. Well done. One issue, you use both spellings for program here (programme). Shouldn't you pick on? Or shouldn't the first mention in sentence 1 be the British spelling, which is what India uses?
Sector Sources Data on breast cancer in Sub Saharan Africa is available, though extremely limited compared to developed countries[6]. Incidence of breast cancer is higher in developed countries but the mortality rates are much higher in developing countries, and Sub Saharan African countries are not an exception[7]. This can be partially explained by the fact that breast cancer is diagnosed at later stages[7]. For example, wile Central Africa had a mortality/incidence ratio of 0.55 in 2012, the US had only 0.16[6]. Screening is considered an important tool to tackle the late stage diagnosis of breast cancer by most policy makers in African Countries, especially given that treatment is greatly limited by the lack of resources[6][8]. Male breast cancer is a much less talked about issue, as it is much rarer than female breast cancer, even though it is has higher proportion in Sub Saharan Countries than in developed countries[9]. However there is still little understanding of the causes of the higher risk for male breast cancer in Sub Saharan Africa[9]. One of the major fuels to the cancer burden in Sub Saharan Africa remains the lack of National Cancer Control Programs and the lack of human as well as financial resources[6]. More research is also required to produce more updated data on breast cancer and better understand the variances there and how they affect the burden of the disease in the region[6][7][8].
This looks good, Rassi. Could you add figures (eg. for incidence and mortality, for male breast cancer prevalence, etc.?
Ctalwalker (talk) 15:45, 10 November 2017 (UTC)Bold text