User talk:Purple-chameleon
A bowl of strawberries for you!
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Welcome! Rmills66 (talk) 21:53, 21 February 2017 (UTC) |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Purple-chameleon, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 23:04, 21 February 2017 (UTC)
Peer Review
[edit]Hi Purple-chameleon, I'm in a group with you and three others to peer review each other's pieces for class. One of us took the liberty to assign us all reviewers to make it a little easier. I'll be reviewing you and Olivedesign. You'll be reviewing me (Brainsteam) and BlueBottle. Let me know when you'd like the reviews to be complete and when your article/edits are ready to be reviewed! Thanks! Brainsteam (talk) 01:49, 13 April 2017 (UTC)
Hi Purple-chameleon, thanks for letting me know, I will get going asap on your article/edit. My article is also ready for peer review (in my sandbox) whenever you get the chance! Brainsteam (talk) 02:45, 13 April 2017 (UTC)
Your recent edits
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Thank you. --SineBot (talk) 20:32, 13 April 2017 (UTC)
Peer Review
[edit]Hi Purple-chameleon,
Your article edit is very good! First of all, it was a great move to post on the original article's talk page to say that you would be making some changes. I'll try to start by pointing out some big things and then go on to the smaller things. I think the layout is very nice and your changes in the contents box and the headings are very good - much better than the original article. You might consider making a section based perhaps on forms of academic achievement, for example: getting GED, high SAT/ACTS scores, graduating college, masters, doctorates... etc. This might just be in the form of a list or table perhaps. Your introduction section is really good; it's concise and gives the basic meaning and understanding of what the article is about. The second paragraph of this introduction is a bit confusing.I would phrase this first sentence a bit differently, maybe something like, "...or which aspects are most important: procedural or declarative knowledge." And keep those links attached to the words so that if people want those definitions they can be easily routed there. I am also not sure how appropriate it is to use a full quote as you did towards the end of this first section, I might replace it with something like "Factors such as test anxiety and environment should be taken into consideration (and include your citation here)." Also, although I'm sure this is obvious, just make sure you take our your note before you move the piece over ("TALK ABOUT MARSHMALLOW STUDY HERE"). I would consider adding a colon to the description of the picture you've added, "Graduation: a form..." Lastly, I would suggest rereading the piece out loud to correct some awkward phrasing or grammar issues. Nice job!
Best, Brainsteam (talk) 22:09, 14 April 2017 (UTC)
Peer Review
[edit]Hi Purple-chameleon,
I appreciate your topic as it is interesting and covers a wide range of information. This subject is extensive and many sections could be added. That being said I like your grouping of factors that influence academic achievement. If you wanted, you could also add a section on the achievement gap, the large gap in academic achievement between different groups of children that still persists heavily today. It is one of the greatest inequalities that the public school system struggles with. Your article has three quotes. Initially I was surprised because I didn't think quotes were recommended for Wikipedia writing. After asking, I learned that information should be in your own words, but quotes can be added if the statement is said particularly eloquently, or cannot be said any other way. All of your quotes may fall under this category, I would just suggest working with them a little more to determine if they really need to be quoted or can be put into your words. Additionally, your article has a section that you probably missed in your editing that states "TALK ABOUT MARSHMALLOW STUDY". There is a page for this on wikipedia and I would instead describe it briefly and link the page. The section on how it is achievement is measured that is currently included in the introduction could be moved to its own section and you could elaborate on the different ways and the different mindsets when discussing which is best. This would have to be done carefully so as to remain unbiased when discussing the efficacy of the different types of measurement. Again this is a great piece and a large and interesting topic.