User talk:Percymetcalfe/sandbox

Dear Percy,

I was tasked with editing your article today.

In your sandbox, I bolded my suggested copyedits, and added brief commentary on word choice and sentence structure. Your assertions were clear, and your theses were structured well-- you introduce both sides of the censorship cases in an unbiased, neutral manner. In an area where the article lacks precision, your additions will set a concise tone. Your quotes are well-introduced, and you do a good job of referencing your sources by name. Make sure to italicize the titles of publications and/or news sources.

I'm not sure if you need to include your opening two sentences, or even the entire opening paragraph. I feel as though the introduction on the Wikipedia page, while it could use some polishing, adequately introduces the novel. By the time the reader reaches this portion of the article, he/she will already know about the book's place on the national "most-censored" list. In addition, I marked a few unsourced statements in your draft. I think your most important tool in editing will be an eye for your article's repetition within the greater context of the entire article.

In my own writing, I hope to emulate your ability to fully describe your censorship case. Instead of simply stating that people sought to ban Diary, you included the critics' goals, and eventual success/lack thereof.

Nice work!

-Will Rau

William Rau (talk) 18:32, 21 November 2016 (UTC)William RauWilliam Rau (talk) 18:32, 21 November 2016 (UTC)