User talk:Okinawalover/Argumentative Essay

Peer Review Subzero10

Subzero10 For your introduction sentence is sounds pretty good, it sounds like you know what you are going to talk about in your article. Subzero10 (talk) 16:31, 12 April 2021 (UTC)subzero10[reply]

Note

That second sentence is the most important, but it needs work. "can be deemed unreliable "--but that is a very specific kind of unreliable--better to move away from that term and say that another problem is just as pressing, or maybe more so. "due to the unbalanced number of gender in regards to editors" needs a copy edit.

I am looking forward to a longer version of this, but make sure you set it up properly, by which I mean that you write an introduction/outline/first paragraph/thesis that makes it easy for you to organize the material in the right way. And I think you should get specific on what this gender gap means in Wikipedia--you'll have to talk numbers, coverage, WikiProjects, etc. Dr Aaij (talk) 16:47, 12 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]