User talk:Ndidiosian/sandbox

The article I will be improving on is: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jota_(music). I will be improving it with sections and information from: https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jota_(música)

Bibliography

This is a nice start, but I'm concerned about your bibliography: the sources are not cited properly, with authors and dates, according to the APA Guidelines:

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/560/01/

The reason this is important is that we have to consider the sources of the information that we are using. So, instead of writing just "http://www.streetswing.com/histmain/z3jota.htm," we have to write the following:

Watson, S. (n.d.). The Jota Dance History Origins. Sonny Watson's Streetswing.com. Retrieved from http://www.streetswing.com/histmain/z3jota.htm

I would also like to see more print and scholarly resources than undated, non-peer reviewed electronic resources. I see the following on scholar.google.com:

Ivanova, A. (1970). The Dance in Spain. Praeger Publishers.
Alaiza, C. H. D. (1976). The Evolution of the Basque Jota as a Competitive Form. A Spectrum of World Dance: Tradition, Transition and Innovation, Dance Research Annual, 16, 36-51.
Ivanova, A. (1970). The dancing spaniards. Baker.
Armstrong, L. (1950). Dances of Spain: North-east and east (Vol. 2). Parrish.
Alford, V. (1937). Valencian Cross-Roads. The Musical Quarterly, 23(3), 367-387.

... and many more. It seems like there's a wealth of information out there for you to use. If you have any questions, please write. Chuck Haberl (talk) 20:47, 24 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Jordan's peer review

Hello!

Edited some grammar to fix sentence flow, and create less cause for confusion.

Got rid of unnecessary commas.

Changed a couple of word choices like “It” to be more descriptive. I think as a reader it does not sound professional, and it is always better to clear up sentences that can come off as slightly confusing.

Fixed simple capitalization errors, specifically for pronouns.

Changed “The Jota is probably a fertility dance” to “The Jota is likely a fertility dance”. A simple change like this adds confidence to your writing, and assures the reader that the sources are good.

You need to split this information into sections so that it is easier to consume. My recommendation would be to end your lead after “The Spanish dance Jota came to be in the 1700's and is likely one of the most traditional dances of Spain.” It would make for a good ending sentence after the very brief, yet informative paragraph you wrote.

Your second section can be your description of the dance, which is explained in great detail.

After that you go on to explain the geographical history, with some descriptions of the dance in there. I think they should be separated. For example, when you talk about the dance being similar to the waltz. Information like that should be put in the previously mentioned section.

You have some nice solid sources, but your work would greatly benefit from finding even more sources within academic journals from the Rutgers database or google scholar.

Jordang1276 (talk) 20:15, 5 April 2018 (UTC) Jordan Ghusson[reply]