User talk:Nativ32/sandbox
Sandbox feedback
[edit]The lead-in paragraph is very detailed and provides crucial distinctions between transgender youth and transgender adults, as well as the kind of dependency transgender youth have on their parents. But at times, I feel that the language is written at a level that the typical wikipedia user may not be able to understand (i.e 'congruent', 'repress', 'reluctant') and move outside of the style of encyclopedic writing.
Sentences like 'This is probably justifiable, as parents usually have a great deal of influence in their children's lives, and many parents will react negatively to such news, even kicking them out' is also problematic because of words like 'probably' and 'usually'. Could you think of a way to express this idea without using weasel/peacock terms?
I also think that you could expand an lead-in section in the vulnerability section, explaining why transgender youth are more vulnerable.
It would interesting to talk about bullying/social exclusion beyond secondary schooling and move into research that has been done in college settings about the same issues. But this may be ambitious, depending on what kinds of additional revisions you plan on making.
The 'Ensuring the child's security' section may need a new title, or the subsections could be moved into other sections, too.
The Australian socio-legal perspectives section needs a lot of attention-- but this could also be because this is a section you're planning on adding(?) There are no references, and this is an issue that should be addressed immediately. The section also seems to come at a surprising time in the article for me. Could you think of a place where it would fit better or how to condense this section of the article so it fits into a larger sub-heading?
AbbeyMaynard (talk) 18:27, 28 October 2014 (UTC)
Peer review
[edit]Hello Nativ32,
I analyzed your sandbox for the transgender youth article and I first wanted to let you know that I think you have a lot of efficient information and quality work! Great job. I went in and made some little grammatical corrections, but feel free to change them back if you don't like it! No worries at all. As for the overall content, I think your information is quality. A couple of suggestions I have for you regards your wording for some information. I would try wording some of your sentences more directly and be more simplistic. I went through reading your article as a middle schooled would and found some of the wording to be a little more confusing/complex to understand. Also, if possible, I wonder if you could find a way to fill in some general information about your research instead of jumping straight to the facts. It may make it flow a little better.
Other than that, I really enjoy the topic you chose and the information you are contributing. Awesome work! Cales23 (talk) 01:59, 8 November 2014 (UTC)
Peer Review 2
[edit]Hello! You have some great info on your page. If the information is available, it might be helpful to make separate sections for homelessness/shelters, how juveniles delinquents are treated in detention centers as well as youth homes, body image, health care options for adolescent bodies, as well as media images and representations of trans* youth/people in general. Also, many cultures look at trans* in different ways so I would make to position this info globally and socially, so as not to assume that these are universally applicable facts. Overall, you've done a great job and these aren't necessary, just places for growth. Bulldog53420 (talk) 22:33, 9 November 2014 (UTC)
Peer Review 3
[edit]- instead of looking at suicide rates, I would suggest look at the psychological health of those who identify as transgender. If that is too broad, then maybe look at the rates of psychological illness among those who identify as transgender. Self-harm/suicide might be a little too specific, so maybe try to generalize.
- you mention Australian perspectives, but no other country. Try to find at least one more country to discuss their views on transgender youth
- you haven't defined specifically what transgender is in the introduction, I would strongly recommend that considering people may get transsexual, transgender, cross-dressing, homosexual, and all that terminology mixed up.
- you mention puberty and childhood, but not adulthood? maybe try to find what struggles those who identify as transgender encounter in adulthood (or at least make a space where others can contribute to that)
- also you mentioned hormonal therapy once or twice, but I think an entire section dedicated to hormonal therapy might be beneficial in encompassing the life of someone who identifies as transgender
- good phrasing, it was really easy to read and that was helpful. maybe try cutting down some of the sentences? Simplify - so many people are going to be reading this article, and they are going to have differing abilities of literacy. Make sure its possible for lots of people to understand.