User talk:Mwats37/sandbox
[[User:nameBFlynn4 (talk) 13:15, 27 October 2015 (UTC)]]I would take out the phrase "an important detail" tell us where cornell university is you do a very good job of not using slang, or I in your article when you go to talk about spectrum, you should lead into it better, say something such as "one such way that LSU (type it out) is doing this us through a program called Spectrum"... something along those lines
Mwats37
First of all REALLY good grammar and information overall . These are the following sentences I would elaborate on or change.
• The LGBT Student Movement started in and around the late 1960's while civil rights activism began its journey to the current time***Specify what LGBT stands for***Maybe link to another wiki page!!! • An important detail in the organization of this group is that they were not all originally from New York, but instead the students of Cornell University. ***Change this it’s a peacock term*** • Others historians argue that this group gives to much credit to groups that disagree with some of the basic principles of activist of LGBT organizations***who, I would be more specific*** • It consists of an 18 hour curriculum pinpointing social sciences created by Elaine M. Maccil. ***Maybe state who Elaine M. Maccil is and what she does in relationship to LGBT studies*** • For the title “Louisiana” Louisiana what? I would more specific as to what your about to address in the title. • Is all of your information mostly from one source because throughout your paragraphs I don’t see a lot if sources. • In 1999 a group of students felt unhappy with the mainly private nature of the LGBT movement so they formed the Spectrum Alliance. ***See if Spectrum Alliance links to another wiki page***•university of Louisana*** capitalize University. "Despite this, the overall view of these gay liberation student organizations are ignored, it seems, by most recent LGBT historians" - I would make this a little more concrete maybe by taking out it seems Vschlum (talk) 13:18, 27 October 2015 (UTC)